Sep 11 2008
Well, I gotta ask…
There are currently 113 votes on the poll in my sidebar (though the poll is open until Friday night). I’m thrilled that so many people decided to join in and cast their votes! I also got a LOT of private emails on this one, including many of you voicing your concern that you couldn’t vote on the poll because the statements were too extreme— you didn’t feel that ANY of them applied to you.
I’ve been fascinated as I’ve watched these results come in. I find myself dying to ask a few more questions, based on the things this poll has taught me so far:
1. More than half of you say that you have taken or currently do take anti-depressants, but only 11% of you say that you are abnormally unhappy. Does that mean that around 80% of you who do take (or have taken) pills do NOT consider yourselves abnormally unhappy?
2. 53% of you say that happiness is a choice, except in extreme cases. Wow. That one surprised me. That means that 47% of you don’t think that happiness is a choice. What is it, then? Something that just happens to you? Something you fall into? I think we’re going to be talking about this one in a future post, so let me know your thoughts.
3. 20% of you believe that depression is the new “normal”— why do you think so? For those of you who didn’t say that, why not? If half of the population (or at least half of my readership…) found anti-depressants to be necessary, then it sounds pretty “normal” to be depressed. What do you think?
4. What do you think is contributing to our unhappiness as a society? Are we less happy than we used to be? Are we less happy than people who are less “fortunate” than we are— as in, people in areas plagued with disease, war, poverty, etc? If so, how is that possible? What sense does that make?
5. Were you surprised by the results of the poll? Was there anything that jumped out at you that you weren’t expecting?
Okay, this is the end of the questioning part of this discussion. I have a lot of things floating around in my brain that I want to write on this subject, but I wanted to ask these questions first. I’m interested to hear your thoughts!
I’m so glad you posted this because, not having voted, I also could not see the results!
The one I want to touch on is point 2. This is the one if any that I would have voted on. I think happiness IS a choice, but I DO NOT think that many people are equipped to make the choice to be happy, i.e. have not been taught where real happiness comes from or how to find some control over their emotions etc. It doesn’t seem fair to tell someone raised in a broken home, living in poverty as a mother who has had NO role model etc. etc. the they should just choose to be happy. Period. That’s why I didn’t feel it was fair to check that box.
Looking forward to reading other comments!
Lisas last blog post..Have Your Cake and Eat It Tuesday
Regarding point 1, I don’t think depression is the opposite of happiness. “Depressed” and “unhappy” aren’t the same thing.
Regarding Lisa’s comment, there is nothing “fair” about life, but the people in her examples are exactly the ones who most need to make choices and take responsibility for their own happiness.
Regarding point 3, I don’t think that being prescribed anti-depressants means you’re depressed. They’re over-prescribed. I would say depression is more “the new black” than “the new normal”. It’s fashionable.
Regarding point 4: greed.
Mongooses last blog post..I so don’t have time to blog
Hi!
1. I have taken antidepressants in the past, but I don’t think of myself as abnormall unhappy now. I took them at an extremely stressful point in my life, but they helped me recover.
2. tricky question. At times I think it is because i actively choose to MOVE ON and BE OK (all caps, as I shout inside my head). At other times it is not a choice happiness or unhappiness can be overwhelming and no one can deny this.
3. again open to interpretation of what “the new normal” implies. Many of my friends & family have been depressed and taken antidepressants. At times I think this is because they’re over prescribed or depression is over diagnosed. Other times I think people are too likely to give in to depression (myself included?). Other times I think the world sucks and everyone is rightly depressed (thankfully not very often:)
4. If I knew… maybe I’d have all the answers.
5. The one that surprises me is the mirror of Have taken anti-depressants/think they’re over prescribed, but I personally KNOW that these aren’t necessarily contradictions.
ps. I think you’re wonderful for writing about this. Truly.
Okay… some of my responses may have been directed by the questions. So… to come out of my closet of skeletons:
1. I’m on a low (below therapeutic) dosage of anti-depressants despite the fact that I’m not in the least bit depressed. I’m on these because I bled for 67 days several years ago and my doctor decided to put me on hormones rather than do a hysterectomy. The hormones caused anxiety. The anti-depressants combat the effects of the hormones. When I hit menopause, all said drugs will be removed.
2. I believe happiness is a choice, but I didn’t right that down because I HAVE known people who are chronically depressed. I have known people who have committed suicide and who were paranoid schizophrenics. I don’t believe they had a choice. I believe they were sick, just as someone who is sick with cancer may not have a choice to survive.
I guess this is where I had some problems giving accurate answers. I know this is just one respondee, but anyway, that’s my take on things, fwiw.
I think this whole project of yours has been fascinating.
Your second question hit so close to home…
2. I think that we’re allowing ourselves as a society to fall into two categories: happy or un-happy. But we’re missing frustrated, disgruntled, excited, angry, sad, over-whelmed…pretty much the entire spectrum of what emotions are. I think that we can’t control the emotions themselves, but rather we CHOOSE what to do with them. You don’t CHOOSE to be happy because “happy” is a physical reaction in your brain. Instead “what am I going to do with this happy? I’m going to go help an old lady cross the street or kiss my husband.” “I’m angry and can’t help that, but I am going to CHOOSE not to lash out at my co-worker or use this anger to inspire me to positive action.” In fact, I think it’s almost un-healthy to feel upset or “un-happy” and then try to force yourself to change it. You have to feel your emotions entirely or you’re just burying them deep down which will come to get you later. Perhaps if we all didn’t attempt to force ourselves into happiness, we wouldn’t feel so un-happy in the first place!
so many questions, so little time.
Most of us aren’t happy because we’re spoiled. So spoiled that we become unhappy at the slightest inconvenience.
Then there are a bunch who are unhappy for really good reasons, because life has been super hard on them and that hurts and leaves your brain a bit numb. Because a lot of life really is hard.
There are some people who can over-come even the hardest of trials with attitude, prayer, and making that choice to see the good in many little and big things. Maybe it’s their temperament? Coming more naturally for some to be survivors? Some people really do seem blessed with a more easy-going and accepting brain.
Others have a harder time rising above the pain of life and I don’t think it’s their “fault” or that they could fix it if they made a choice to do so. Their biology won’t let them. The brain is truly depressed in many people.
But it is over-diagnosed I think. Pretty much everything (at least in this country) is medicalized, right? We want to label and give meds more easily than we probably should.
That’s enough for now. I could go on and on and that would just be depressing.
I took anti-depressants very briefly when I went to the doctor complaining of contant fatigue. She immediately said, “You’re depressed,” and gave me a prescription. I personally thought that was irresponsible of her, but I tried them nonetheless. They didn’t do anything for me.
I believe happiness is a choice, but it is REALLY HARD to choose to be happy all the time! Our brains produce chemicals in response to certain emotions. There’s a unique chemical produced when we get angry, a different one when we’re excited, another one when we’re sad. We literally become “addicted” to our emotions, even the unhealthy ones. That’s why it’s so hard for someone with a pattern of anger to break out of that pattern. It feels good to get angry, because then that chemical that we’re addicted to gets released in our brain. Just like any other addiction, we have to somehow break free, find ways to employ our “happy chemical” more often, and stop using the synaptic highway to our negative emotions so often. With disuse, those highways will fall into disrepair, and we’ll be traveling our new highway of happiness (sorry if that sounds cheesy. But happiness can come so naturally to some, and be so difficult to others. Brain chemistry is just one reason why).
I do think that our society is driven by THINGS…the unattainable–mostly the tangible unattainable. For a large majority of the population, the want of THINGS and STUFF can create a feeling of dissatisfaction–which can lead to other feelings–which can be categorized, I think, as “Unhappy.”
For the most part, I think if people learned to be satisfied or “happy” with how their lives are, there would be more “happiness,” if only in their own spheres. There are huge exceptions to this case, I realize. People in abusive relationships or people with illness, physical or mental, have a different kind of sphere in which to draw happiness from, and THAT may seem unattainable.
I like the way Aristotle put it: Happiness is desirable in itself and never for the sake of something else. But honor, pleasure, reason, and every virtue we choose indeed for themselves, but we choose them also for the sake of happiness, judging that by means of them we shall be happy. Happiness, on the other hand, no one chooses for the sake of these, nor, in general, for anything other than itself. Happiness, then, is something final and self-sufficient.
I’ve always thought that meant that happiness is not a means to an end, but the end.
And that is all I have to say about that…
I have voted in your pool and I would love to answer your questions.
1. I took Wellbutrin for 2 years in conjunction with talk therapy for PTSD. I was abnormally unhappy (associated panic disorder and clinical depression) but am no longer unhappy, having successfully completed my treatment.
2. I think Happiness is a confluence of events. Having been at a point where I COULD NOT feel happy (believe be, I tried), just not feeling sad or scared all the time was a great trade off. I am by nature a more optimistic person, so this was an extreme case, I understand.
3. I don’t think depression is normal. I think THINKING you are depressed is normal.
4. I think we are less happy because we are more busy with less of a sense of purpose. Let’s say your husband is away at war. What can you DO to better his situation or that of those he is with? Send treats and emails and videos? Those things are great, but I think Knitting socks and rolling bandages FELT more like a real help to the war effort, and was a more social event, therefor binding people together rather than isolating them. I also think isolation is a big issue, people not making connections.
5. I was surprised how many people think depression is normal. I think these people have never experienced real, true depression. I believe that people are feeling worse about themselves overall because we are told over and over as children and young adults how special we are, to expect great things, etc. I don’t believe our predecessors had these expectations. not that they expected to be miserable, but more realistic. Kids, a mortgaged house and a job was the norm. If you got really lucky you had a car, radio or TV, depending on your era. Now we all have to have computers of our own, Ipods, individual cars, Tvs with 100’s of channels plus an exhaustive collection of DVD’s, CD’s, an honor student, a little-league star, etc. Average isn’t good enough, and that pushes the limits, because, lets face it, we can’t all be the best at something other than being ourselves. I’ll be perfectly happy with C students who stay out of trouble and make good choices about their futures, or barring that, try to mitigate the damages of bad choices.
Rabbi’s Wifes last blog post..Better than Bubbe’s Matza Balls
Wow. Lots of good stuff!
I am a rule breaker by nature so I will just type away and ignore the numbered questions.
I was diagnosed with Severe Depression with Situational Crisis Issues once.(ooooooh)I had had a miscarriage and a month later someone very close to me tried to commit suicide in front of me. Gah. I chose not to go the drug therapy route but focused on the pain. Talking it through with a counselor, keeping a journal, being aware of my emotions. All of that helped me to grieve and process and come up out of the valley.
I do think that a lot of the diagnosis of depression can stem from trauma that has been repressed. It can crop up at any time and I often wonder how many people self medicate with alcohol and drugs?(shopping, chocolate or gambling?)
I am not so sure that happiness is a goal for me. I tend to focus on the joy of waking up each day. The gratitude I feel for all that the Lord has blessed me with and realize that there are many hurting people around me.
Life is hard for all of us. I know people that have been to hell and back and are the most joyful people to be around. Others that have decided to blame their parents, coworkers, children for what they perceive to be a crummy life. Perception is huge.
How did we get such a sense of entitlement?? That we are somehow “owed” an easy life or trouble free life?
I do believe we have choices. A choice to be bitter or be better. The pain in my life has served to make me a more compassionate person, more aware of others and given me wisdom that I never would have gained otherwise.
I also realize that any time another valley experience could come. My husband could die or one of my children. I will hang onto what I have today.
I can’t say I am surprised by most of the results of this poll. I believe in many cases, happiness IS a choice. But in many, there are chemical imbalances involved that need to be addressed.
The times when I am unhappy usually come down to one thing: selfishness. If the kids are sick or something happens to a loved one, I get this “Wo is me” attitude. But the moment I start looking outside myself to ways I can help? Life is so so so much better.
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I think being happy is a lot like being good at a sport. You can want to be happy, and can work on it. You can be coached, you can watch others, copy them, etc. You can show up game after game and keep trying.
You can’t fake an inborn talent for it though. You can’t overcome being 5 feet tall when most in the sport are 6 feet 5 inches. Some people just have happy genes, and others don’t, and others unfortunately have unhappy genes.
Everyone can choose to be happier than they naturally are but for some it will be in the tiniest of increments, and be a constant hard battle. Some people have external issues and others mostly internal.
I think those dealing with external only have it easier. They find a new partner, find a new job, lose weight, move to a new town, whatever and the depression eases. They feel normal again. They breathe easier. For someone with internal obstacles they take one tiny step at a time. They woke up before noon, REJOICE! They showered. Oh happy day! They reached out to someone, they asked for help, they laughed at a joke on TV, they counted their blessings. They are trying.
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1. I am part of the 80% who take antidepressants, and part of those who don’t consider myself abnormally unhappy. I’m more than happy to chime in (or share my opinion via email) on the subject of pills, as I seem to be the minority in a lot of these.
2. I do think that happiness is a choice, to an extent. My own experience is this: most of the time, it’s easy to PICK happiness. There are times though, that happiness seems so far beyond your grasp for whatever reason that you can’t breathe.
3. I’m not sure it’s the new normal, but it’s certainly more in the open.
4. I agree that people live with a sense of entitlement, sort of. That said- I’ve always had the viewpoint that just because I’m not starving or dying doesn’t make my problems any less real. I can promise you that sometimes there are just things that break you (like writing on your shirt- I cried for 3 hours, wracking sobs).
5. Eh…
So I do just want to comment as well that antidepressants are not just for depression. I have no idea what ‘disorder’ I have. I’ve been on ‘antidepressants’ for years, and there are dozens of types. The type I take is not for depression, but technically for panic disorder. However, what it does for me is makes me (more) rational than I have any ability to be on my own. Most people who meet me make a comment similar to ‘do you have bad days EVER?’ which I find funny because I take ‘happy pills’. I have zero doubt that it’s a biological thing for me, because I am not capable of handling life as gracefully (or not) as I do without them. I’ve tried.
And now I’ve rambled. Point is…I think this is a great topic. I think everyone needs to make their own decision, and that mental health is a tricky business. Pre-antidepressants, I thought they were only for sad or crazy people. I’ve learned that things aren’t always what you think.
Love you Brill!
One word: perfectionism. As women (who, I gather, are the majority of the readers/voters here) we are supposed to have great marriages and perfect kids. We have to balance a career and motherhood and we have to volunteer in the community and attend weekly church meetings. We are on the PTA and we shuffle our kids to soccer and ballet all week long. Then we’re supposed to have beautiful homes that are kept spotless. And, MOST importantly, we have to look GREAT while we do it all. Toned bodies, big boobs, firm butts, designer clothing, and the latest hairstyle.
If we fail in even ONE of these arenas (which we all do because the expectations are impossible to meet), the pressure is so great and the GUILT is so suffocating that it’s determined that there’s something WRONG with us, so we’d better get on pills that make us numb to the guilt.
I hate this cycle, and I see it EVERYWHERE I go. Every single one of my friends growing up has had their boobs done, their noses done, is in debt up to their eyeballs, and is on anti-depressants. It’s INSANITY! As a society, we’ve got to stop it! As women, we’ve got to stop it! We’re too smart for this!
Well, I had a reply all ready to go but basically Mongoose said it all.
Also? A lot of people who’ve never experienced depression don’t get it. Geesh, take a shower already! Get up off the couch! You’re just being lazy. Right? Wrong. Depression isn’t necessarily about happiness. Depressed people can still laugh. Depression is about feeling numb and unable to cope.
I was amongst the nay-sayers (but not as extreme as Tom Cruise) until post-pardum knocked me for a serious loop. It took a complete break down at the doctor’s office, begging for someone to please help me feel like myself again, before I could face what had happened.
Jessica G.s last blog post..Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!
I think there are aspects of our society that breed unhappiness: Competition, materialism, perfectionism, superficiality, and isolation.
I think happiness is a choice…except for those whose biology determines their emotional state. This group needs and deserves to be medicated, just as anyone who suffers with long-term physical illness should. There is actual, physical pain associated with severe depression, and it’s a blessing when that pain can be alleviated through medication.
I think one of the healthiest things we can do is work to lessen the stigma associated with depression so people can be more honest about their emotional state, openly seek help, feel less isolated. And please, reserve judgment.
charrettes last blog post..Seven years ago today…
[…] On Happiness - Brillig is polling her readers about depression and the responses have been very interesting thus […]
Okay, I haven’t read the previous responses, but here’s my thoughts.
I think that we are the first generation that expects happiness just like we expect air to breathe and food to eat. I think that previous generations saw happiness as the dessert after a good meal of hard work. I think we see it as a right, something we should just have whether we work for it or not, whether we deserve it or not.
I also think that we are generally more introspective than people used to be. I think that as life has gotten easier for humanity in general (in the USA, anyway), we have had more time and energy to focus on ourselves, our feelings, our needs, etc., instead of spending all our time and energy putting meals on the table and clothes on our children. And when we spend all our time thinking about ourselves, it is easy to become unhappy, to see every bad thing that has ever happened to us, to compare our level of happiness with that of everyone around us, to become unhappy and discontent and depressed.
Some depression is truly a chemical problem which needs to be addressed. But I know that for myself, anyway, when I start to feel depressed, getting out of myself and focusing on my family, my friends, even my housework can help me pull out of it.
Erins last blog post..She’s BAAAAACK!
Hm. I believe happiness is a choice… until there’s been a myriad of events that have hammered you and then it becomes a point that your brain (& heart) doesn’t know what to do anymore and you’ve forgotten how or even what it’s like to be happy. Also, a side-note, what’s the definition of happiness? It’s completely different for each person.
Synopsis of life as I know it:
Happy as a child. Abuse came in, rape came in, no counseling and no way to overcome those life-altering events, but muddled through, became “happy” - married a great guy, years later - found he had an addiction that he kept hidden, shot esteem to heck, all the junk that was buried in my life came bubbling up plus other things I didn’t realize was there too. Now, after being in a dark hole, I’m trying to claw my way out…. survival is what I’m aiming for. Happiness will hopefully come later.
Saras last blog post..
Boy this is a lot of info for you to sort through, eh?
I was abnormally depressed before the anti-depressants, fine while on them, and then once I weaned off and found other ways to cope, mostly fine.
I think there’s a lot we deal with now that does indeed make depression the new normal. The stresses of our modern lives, all the emotional and physical junk we imbibe upon…it messes with us in all sorts of ways.
I’ve done quite the study of some of the physical components of depression as well. While I would never say that the issues are strictly dietary, I do think that’s a contributing factor. I do a lot better when I’m physically active and when I’m eating right. When I get dehydrated, eat too much sugar, or don’t eat enough vitamin and nutrient dense foods, I get way out of whack. In fact, I’ve notcied definite correlations between my low periods and what I’m eating.
I agree that happiness can be a choice but sometimes that choice is taken away for a time. Hopefully we struggle and strive to get that choice back (I totally believe that can be doable), but life events can break a person down to the point they forget they can choose. I once forgot I had that choice and was lucky to have good friends remind me.
Kimberlys last blog post..Apologies
The people who use or have ever used an anti depressant are not abnormally unhappy because the pill worked!! People have always struggled with depression, and it’s normal for all to be depressed from time to time, we are just prescribing meds for it more, because we have realized that it is better to nip a bad cycle in the bud before someone spirals out of control and loses years of their life to depression. Others, like my daughter struggle with a biochemical imbalance and will have to deal with depression their whole lives, even with meds to help. That said, much more needs to be done on society as a whole learning to understand their feelings and how to deal with life better so they don’t rely solely on drugs. Probably there are many who don’t really need meds who have been prescribed them, but just as many out there who need them and won’t or can’t get them. As for being less happy than people less fortunate, there is a real danger in having too much. Having too much and not knowing how to deal with it can be just as damaging. I often think many of those that struggle just to survive are more in tune with the whole point of life and many find happiness in the everyday blessings we take for granted and don’t even appreciate. I agree happiness is a choice, but you do have to have the tools to be able to make that choice. To me, finding the truth and the essence of life and learning to live in agreement with that brings harmony, peace and happiness. Love these philosophical questions
Shellies last blog post..Today’s Special
Hey, I’m feelin’ great!
I’ve never suffered from depression, but believe it to be a real clinical illness. The available drugs, while better than their predecessors are still far from perfect. many people don’t respond to them. Most antidepressants did not actually perform a whole lot better than placebo in clinical trials, though they showed enough efficacy to be approved (in typical depression trials patients taking placebo also feel better, their is a particular strong placebo effect in this type of trial).
I think that we need to find more subtle ways of adjusting the serotonin and dopaine systems, either by better drugs or by diet, therapy and other lifestyle modifiers. I don’t think pharmacology alone is the answer. Most of these drugs do in fact perform best when combined with therapy, but HMO’s tend not to pay for the therapy part.
I think happiness is partially a choice…a choice of attitude in the flow of your life, to be able to see that the glass is half full.
…but to a certain degree it isn’t. There’s people who’s glass is emtpy, people with serious problems for which they are not entirely responsible, some people can’t handle this world’s pressure, …
sometimes people need help then, chemical help and that shouldn’t be a taboo. Is medication too easily written? I’m not sure. It used to be a taboo, it still is a taboo. But maybe we need it? I have no clue, cannot judge that one.
Why don’t we ask ourselves the question whether there’s way too much painkillers prescribed, too many vitamines, energizers, desinfectants, antibiotics, ….?
Goofballs last blog post..Stuck
Holy comments Batman!
I’m chiming in late but here’s my deal.
I am a chronically HAPPY person. I wake up happy, I stay happy. People view me as cheerful. I love laughing. I love being happy. I think MY depressed might be someone elses version of ecstacy, but when I don’t feel my normal, bubbly self for more than a couple of days, I have to take a step back and evaluate a little bit to see why I’m not myself.
I think some people (like my baby sister) are chronically UNHAPPY, so her normal is definitely not in line with MY normal . . . but that’s where you have to take a good hard look and find out if it’s a chemical imbalance, a choice or something else entirely.
ANd now I have to go but I might be back for more.
Kateastrophes last blog post..29 Things I Love about Jewels
Damn, I missed the whole poll thing. Your questions stir the mind to fresh levels of pondering to be sure. My short answer is that happiness is totally a choice. Even in the worst of circumstances we can choose to find joy and positivity that join to create happiness. A lump of clay has vast potential for beauty in the hands of anyone willing to sculpt it.
Wow, that was a little more profound than I expected - already you are influencing me. I see great blog stalking potential here.
Ok, so the other night was the second time I’ve been at a blogger event and completely failed to get to know you. Much to my chagrin as I’ve been told many wonderful things about you. Thanks for stopping by my humble little blog and saying hi. I’m adding you to my reader. Cheers!
Marges last blog post..Hang-ing Around
Clutter takes away from my happiness, be it material stuff run amok or overextended obligations leaving me unable to do any one thing well.
I cleaned out a section of the garage today so I could stain some moldings. It felt good to get the project going.
BKs last blog post..President Mom and the First Dude
I’m shocked that so many of your readers have been or are currently taking antidepressants; I don’t know any woman who does. I hate that it’s so necessary! I also HATE, HATE, HATE it when antidepressants are used to treat problems that need to be faced. Of COURSE the pills are necessary sometimes, but if the person doesn’t also get help with the issues that may have caused the depression, it’s just a bandaid.
I think happiness is somewhat of a choice; you can choose your perspective on an issue. That said, this is easier for people with certain temperaments, certainly.
Half-Past Kissin’ Times last blog post..Here’s a Tip