Twas Brillig

A member of the bishopric called me in on Sunday morning, right before church was about to start.  Now, anyone who’s been in the church for more than a month knows that when the bishopric randomly call you in, it’s because you are about to be given an assignment.  I braced myself, knowing that they might stick me in nursery (two of my own children are in the nursery, so while I suppose it would be “fair” it would also mean that the two hours a week that I DON’T take care of them would be taken away from me).  Or maybe they would ask me to lead some music in one meeting or another— I’ve often had those callings and I enjoy them.   Or maybe I would FINALLY luck out and get that assignment to teach Sunday School.  That’s the one I’ve been pining for, and I’d heard that there were a couple of openings.

So when he said, “boy scouts,” I nearly had a heart attack.  My poor, pathetic life flashed before my eyes.  *cough*cough*cough* Excuse me?  Boy scouts?  REALLY?  Have you MET me?

When he asked me if I would accept the assignment, I said, “yes,” because that’s what I do— even though everything within me was screaming, “NO!  Please NO!  For the love of all that is holy, NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Brian was waiting out in the hallway, having whisked the kids off to their various church classes, eager to hear my news.  When I told him, he let out a stream of laughter.  Then when I told him I needed to buy myself a scout uniform and wear it to all the meetings, I thought he might burst a blood vessel in his face from the force of his guffawing.

Now, Brian’s an Eagle Scout, so he’s been through all these programs before.  Once he got his manic laughter under control, I asked him what exactly I needed to do— what was expected of me?  How hard was this really going to be?

Then he smiled and said, “I have ONE memory from Boy Scouts.  My scout leader was a woman about your age.”  Aww, he was going to share a heartwarming story with me!  Yay!  Maybe I really COULD make a difference!  He went on, “I remember one time, she bent over, and I could see STRAIGHT DOWN HER SHIRT!!!!”  He grinned the biggest school boy grin you can imagine.  I just stared at him, blinking.

That was it.  That was the one thing he remembered from scouts.

Note to self:  wear a high-necked T-shirt under my scout uniform.