Feb 28 2008
A Fairytale of Sorts
Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom far away (okay… Utah) there lived a fat housewife beautiful queen named Brillig, whose life was turned up-side-down when she learned that her perfect kingdom wasn’t as perfect as she thought it was.
See, Queen Brillig had four beautiful children. All were smart, delightful, and so darling you could just eat them (though she didn’t— don’t you admire her restraint?). One day, though, she learned that her youngest prince wasn’t quite right. She learned that he wasn’t well, in body or mind. Many tests were taken, many negative results returned, but everything kept pointing to that one scary word: autism.
Now, Queen Brillig was well aware that “autism” was NOT the end of the world. Her young prince was still delightful and gorgeous and among the most precious of her acquaintances. As far as Queen Brillig was concerned, he was perfect in every way. But it did shatter her perfect world a bit to know that his life would be much harder than the lives of her other family members. He would be subjected to medical evaluations, blood draws and needles, prejudices. He would be a bully’s target, a community’s “burden”, and misunderstood by the world in general.
Queen Brillig began associating with the medical community— doctors, therapists, and insurance companies. What she originally thought was going to be a friendly relationship suddenly turned into all-out war. Queen Brillig had not anticipated that this would be so difficult, frustrating, and even hateful. Somehow she’d thought that those people were supposed to be there to help her and her family in their time of need, never realizing that actually they were the hardest part of the whole process.
Queen Brillig soon learned that in her magical kingdom there was nothing but closed doors.
Which is why, when presented with a beautiful new palace in the kingdom, Queen Brillig and her husband, King Brian the Handsome, rejected the new palace. Queen Brillig was tempted— oh how she was tempted by the beauty and luxury of the new palace!!! But King Brian the Handsome was very wise and reminded her that luxury and beauty do not matter right now. They both agreed that what matters is the well-being of the whole family, most specifically their youngest prince.
And while this palace might satisfy some of their wants, it would not meet their needs. And Queen Brillig is beginning to learn the difference.
There are other kingdoms throughout the land DO give a crap about autism. Other kingdoms require insurance companies to cover autism-related therapies. Other kingdoms allow a child under the age of three to see a mental health professional. Other kingdoms maybe even care enough to actually figure out what’s wrong with the young prince— what is his actual diagnosis? Other kingdoms have programs in place to answer that question. Other kingdoms… other kingdoms.
Queen Brillig and King Brian the Handsome were in an interesting situation. They’d sold their former palace before the palace-selling market completely tanked, and then put all of the money (their palace, in a stroke of great luck, had doubled in value in the three years that had passed from when they built it to when they sold it) into a high-interest savings account. Every month they deposited what would have been that month’s mortgage payment into the bank account too. And in the meantime, they lived for free off the kindness and mercy of Queen Brilligsmom and King Brilligsdad, who were passing the time in the Canary Islands and needed someone to take care of their palace. This put the happy Brillig family in a truly fantastic position. They had the means to buy a house today, or to buy months from now. They could buy a new palace the moment their “gut” said, “this is it, this is the one, this is the place.”
And so far, their guts have said no such thing. Their guts have said, “no. This isn’t it. Wait.”
And you know what? Queen Brillig and King Brian the Handsome have learned to trust those promptings and believe that they come from a much Higher Source— a Source who loves them, a Source who is looking to bless them. A Source who loves their little children even more than they do. A Source who will not lead them astray.
And so they wait… and make plans to leave their current kingdom, as it no longer meets their needs. In which direction? Who knows? But they are researching, planning, praying, even daydreaming a bit… And by the time they NEED to know, they have full confidence that they WILL know.
And Queen Brillig is beginning to realize that she would happily live in a shack with a rocky dirt floor and a corrugated cardboard roof if it meant that her family was where they were supposed to be.
Because following those promptings, whatever they may turn out to be, is surely the ONLY way that we will truly be able to live happily ever after.
I think that’s the most beautiful fairytale I’ve ever read. It catches me up with a dear friend, and reminds me to look for happiness in the right places instead of the bright places. Thank you.
This is one of the best fairytale i have read.Thank for the nice post.I love it, I really love it.
You’re so right, and so brave.
Praying that Queen Brillig, King Brian the Handsome and Prince Fuzzles get to slaying those dragons, soon!
Hang in there hon.
Queen Brillig is dead on right.
As she generally is.
Princess Jenn in Holland is very very moved by Queen Brillig’s amazing analysis and deep understanding of a very convoluted process: this thing called life.
When Princess JiH grows up (if she ever grows up?)she wants to be as smart as Queen Brillig.
You’re very right.
I love you and will come visit in whatever kingdom is right for the Brilligs.
The older Queen of the North, Queen Tangled, is much impressed by the wisdom of the younger and obviously wise Queen Brillig. But the Queen of the North’s heart is filled with sorrow for the state of the Royal Brilligs. The older Queen Tangled knows, from sad experience, much of the same heartbreak and she sends her love and open hand to Queen Brillig. The Queen of the North is also praying a new kingdom, in need of a young and wise King and Queen will soon send out their invitation, so the Royal Brilligs can get down to the business of adjusting to their new “normal”. Royal hugs and kisses and kudos on an excellent post.
Wow, it’s tough to turn off the materialistic side of ourselves, even for the sake of our families. Good for you for having perspective. I’ll look forward to seeing where your kingdom relocates to!
Good for you dearie, whilst I am against camping on moral grounds, I must admit that even I would put up with such accommodation if I thought it was the right choice. Hope you get the right bricks and mortar version.
Best wishes
Great post! If that kingdom ends up being in Norther CA, you’ll have to look me up.
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.
Hoping against hope that one of the many palaces in Duchess Novembrance’s very autism-friendly kingdom might suit at some point…
It is very frustrating that kingdoms can be so different from each other. Hopefully one day there will be love and understanding in all of them. Good look with your journey!
If the kingdom of Michigan turns out to be autism friendly, this lady-in-waiting would be very happy to help Queen Brillig with whatever she might need in terms of information, etc.
I’m glad you and Brian the Handsome are finding good internal and Supreme guidance.
I love happily ever afters. Especially when they’re real and not just pretend.
I feel bad that you’ve had problems with the medical community and getting the proper diagnoses and treatments. But I feel happy that your parents were able to provide you with a rent-free place to live so you can save money until you figure out the best place to be. You and your husband are doing a fantastic thing for your son, for your whole family, with this decision. Thank you for sharing your fairytale, it put a smile on my face.
It sounds like your family has been, and will continue to be, a great blessing to you. What a wonderful thing! Good luck finding a kingdom that meets all of your needs.
(hugs) Queen Brillig,
The STAR Center is located in the kingdom of CO. I hear they are great - our OT loves Lucy Miller’s work.
I hope your search ends will for you and your youngest prince. As eager as we were to buy last fall I’m so grateful that we didn’t. I love that ‘listening to the spirit’ thing.
You know we’ve got very very strict laws here mandating all sorts of converage (e.g. early intervention, mental health parity) so if you want to switch time zones, we have a very nice kingdom. My princes received many state-mandated benefits from our health insurances (some others were even paid for by the state) due to their premature births.
And there are many members of LDS here - affiliated with the colleges and big business. We may seem like a scary place to the rest of the US but we are all (LDS and non-LDS) are very nice.
Hang in there. You are doing a terrific job. With humor too.
I knew there was a story behind the fact you turned the house down. What a poignant story. How brave and touching and honest to share it with us.
Just wanted to let you know that I have the linky love up on my blog for tomorrow’s SOS.
As far as your post goes, I think you are taking the right approach in “trusting your gut”
Hang in there.
Hang in there, Brill. Thanks for sharing your tale. Hope that very soon it’ll be a step closer to happily ever after.
I think the fairy tale is going to have a happy ending because you’re seeing what’s really important here. Good for you! Shame on insurance. In the meantime, have you looked into CSHCN? Slower than molasses, but they do help diagnose autism spectrum disorders and cover what the insurance won’t.
[…] is. It’s brillig for lots of reasons, but one particular reason is her post here called “A Fairy Tale of Sorts,” because I just love it when we find some truth and stick to guns because we just know our instincts […]
This is so VERY true. My mother had a saying that I now say to my own children who embrace it as well “Everything happens for a reason.” You may not like what is happening now but it happens for a reason. You cannot even really ask why? You have to wait for the answer to be realized, and it will. Then you will see why such and such happened and you appreciate it.
I will keep you and your family in our prayers. You know you will be guided and it will be more wonderful than owning what you thought was the perfect house. To see the difference between a house and a home is true beauty.
How freakishly odd. We are stuck in that same cycle.
We want it…we approach it…we think about it…we don’t feel it’s the right moment…we remain in our inexpensive apartment.
Good for you for making the hard calls. It’s rough. I’ll go through a model house and I let myself fantasize about it, because it’s free. But then I make myself let it go. Living at your parents place is the freakin’ Golden Goose. Why kill it before time?
Aah, now I understand. Completely. Given the circumstances I’d have made the exact same decision.
Lovely post. Read it this morning and have thought about it all day. It’s a big, strange, different world to walk into and there’s so much to learn. Such a beautiful testament — your love for your child.
I’m a mom to a highly-functioning autistic boy. You may not know, but April is autism awareness month. I’m trying to encourage bloggers to promote awareness that month.
I’m also looking for guest bloggers…. if you’re interested please read: http://momologue.blogspot.com/2008/03/join-me-in-blogging-for-autism.html.
~g
That was beautifully written! I pray that everything works out for you and your lovely family. I’ve missed being here and reading your posts.
I love that you were able to know what the right decision was, and go with it. And I hope you find a palace every bit as wonderful in the perfect new kingdom that’s out there waiting.
(And I’m sorry your current kingdom is lame.)
Oh Brill, that was beautiful and wise and perfect. I hope you find the kingdom soon, and that the little Prince lives happily ever after surrounded by all the people who love, and will love him.
Hugs.
Truer words were never spoken. I hope you find the perfect kingdom and castle soon.