Jan 15 2008
mad-ness
“What’s wrong? You’ve been on edge all night!” Hubby blurted out as I was kissing him goodnight.
Um… I had no idea what he was talking about. Nothing was wrong, and I didn’t feel “on edge.”
I started thinking, “okay, what would he be talking about. Am I upset? Did something happen today that I forgot to tell him about?”
As I’m just about to the point where I’m whacking my head against the wall, trying to figure out what on earth he’s talking about, he announces, “you’re really terrible at hiding your anger!!!”
Again, I’m flabbergasted. I’m not angry! But the more I insist that I’m not angry, the angrier I sound…
Finally, I give up trying to convince him that I’m fine, I put my arms around him and tell him that I’m sorry about whatever it is that caused him to think I was upset, and I’m sorry for the stress this must have brought him. He seems to accept that, and he goes right to sleep.
But I don’t. I’m still perplexed by all of this. I go back over my day in my mind. Actually, as I think about it, it’s been both a great day and an awful one. Great because I had fun with my cute little family. Since it was Monday, we had our weekly “Family Home Evening” where we had a Gospel lesson and then we all went to a local museum, and then milkshakes for dessert. So much fun!
The bad part of my day was that the trip—you know, the one I filed for a passport for, the one I wasn’t going to talk about because I didn’t dare jinx it? Yeah, that fell through very suddenly last night. I confess that I felt some bitterness and frustration over that (just ask Kate… she was on IM with me when I found out) but I got over it, as I always do, and I was fine. Still disappointed, but not angry by any stretch of the imagination.
Finally, I decided to stop figuring out why Brian thought I was angry. It was just making me… angry. I was analyzing myself to see if there was any reason to be angry, and the truth about life is that if you look hard enough you can ALWAYS find something to be angry about. I decided to stop looking.
Part of me now wonders if he was just using me as a science experiment or something. haha.
I think tonight, just before we go to bed, I’ll ask him why he’s so angry. Let’s see how he reacts… hahaha.
br>
Clearly your kisses seemed angry.
Okay, but what was the trip?
I was so crabby for a couple weeks there (I think I told you that). But I thought I was over it when my boss STOPPED talking to someone as I walked by to ask, “Is everything alright??” I was confused. Then I asked, “Why, do I look crabby?” He said, “Yeah! That’s it!”
Great. I LOOKED crabby that whole two weeks, too?!
Also, I’m constantly asking The Man what’s wrong. I KNOW what he’s like when he’s NOT angry. I KNOW what his angry signs are. When he insists he’s NOT angry when he SURE LOOKS like it, I get so ticked!
I’ll cut him some slack on your behalf.
It’s funny how after years of marriage and shared experience we can still read each other completely wrong, isn’t it? Neil and I still have those moments…and we either end up frustrated or laughing our heads off.
For your experiment, I suggest using an emotion other than anger, just so he doesn’t suspect. =P
Then would he be the science experiment? I agree with Kimberly, too. BTW, Brillig, any interest in joining our Writing Game? We’d love to have you!
I think he was just using it as an excuse to get a hug and kiss out of you. Sneaky…
This made me laugh so hard. I think it’s hilarious when the mis-reads happen, although they are annoying.
Test that man Brillig!
Yes, please do that and let us know how he reacts.
It’s horrid that feeling of unjust accusation. So frustrating. Empathy winging your way, Luisa.
Glad this house isn’t the only one where that happens.
I second Luisa–what was the trip going to be?
I hate it when people keep asking what’s wrong. Especially when it is nothing. You’re right thought. Over thinking it plays right into it.
LOL, my hubs and I play this game (quite unintentionally) fairly regularly.
Perception is tricky, no?
lol my gnome doesn’t worry until I get quiet…then he knows I am REALLY ticked off at something….as long as I am yacking at him, he knows it isn’t too serious..lol
It kills me when others KNOW how you feel or what you’re thinking. they must feel like they are psychic…. LOL Good luck on the test. (((HUGS)))
Maybe he just EXPECTED you to be angry and was waiting for the other shoe to drop? HAHA. Matt does that sometimes
Aha! He must have a guilty conscience. WHAT DID HE DO?? That is what you have to ask him next.
Maybe he was feeling your disappointment but read it as “mad” (since usually we ARE mad at them)?
Nah! Maybe he was feeling GUILTY about something else that would MAKE you mad??
Maybe we could drive ourselves CRAZY!
Test him and report back!
oh I used to have fights with my mom like that.
I come home and sit at the dinner table and she starts asking what my problem is. huh?
It ends up that my problem is that she is thinking that I have a problem :p.
tough huh.
Ah, I’m sorry your trip fell through!
My husband will do that every once in a while - just assume I’m grumpy or something when I thought I was pretty happy - drives me nuts!!
Oh, now I am mad!
Very funny post brilly-boo. I like to think he was just projecting. I personally don’t believe you ever get mad.
Yeah, I think you’re perfect.
You want to marry me?
I usually find when my dh asks me “what’s wrong” or “why are you upset”, and it’s one of those times it’s the farthest thing from reality, it’s generally because HE’S upset or angry, frustrated, something, and he’s just reading everything in the negative that day. And of course, since I’m the one person closest to him that he can “chew” on, I get the flack. Part of the “job description” eh?
NOW, the important question is, where WERE you going? I am sorry it didn’t work out, and will the possibility open again perhaps?
Hugs!
It’s just as well you can’t read all the complexities of other people’s emotions. You’d never begin, let alone finish, a conversation!
Ahh, I know this one well! Bit of projection or something or other going on here perhaps? So frustrating! But v funny to read. Hope you get to the bottom of it
Let me just tell you that for a husband, as a default, it’s best to assume that your wife is angry. That way it’s shields up and proton torpedo tubes are loaded and are ready to fire, and we’re on red alert–safe. You only conclude that she is “something other than angry” (an official and important category) based on hard evidence.
In the absence of such evidence, every nuance must be interpreted, weighed, and then re-evaluated in light of the other nuances as they come in. Some examples: I offered her some of my Sprite while we were watching TV; she pursed her lips and didn’t take it–a bad sign. She began blogging 22.3 minutes earlier than usual and ended 12.3 later; a whole half an hour less time spent with me–bad. When I farted, she didn’t hit me and revile as is customary; she just sort of put on a long-suffering face and moved on–holy crap I’m in trouble! When I said I’d go check on the kids before we went to bed, she said no that she would do it and then marched off double time to do it–we’re getting a divorce. You see, it spirals out of control.
Eventually you just want the hard evidence. But after all the build up, it’s hard to believe words. Words can be counterfeited, but wives are usually absolutely worthless at any kind of physical affection when they don’t mean it (or so the conventional wisdom goes), so we generally take it as bona fide. In the future you can just skip right to it. Boom.
And they think we’re hard to understand. Sheesh, husbands. Can’t live with ‘em….
Husbands? Wives are the trouble. Musing ahead…
Wives are like…hmmm. Ah.
A wife is like a minefield. A husband must step gingerly, take extreme care, and he’ll probably still get his leg blown off.
Yes, a perfect analogy.
Hee hee. I feel your frustration, but I’m giggling at all the comments.
Maybe he broke something?
And I would soo try the experiment. Maybe a , “Oh honey, why are you so sad?”
I hate it when people say I look something when I don’t feel it. For example, ‘tired.’ My dad is always saying, “Jo. You look tired.” And I think, ‘Oh, I thought I looked fine.’ Then I get all kind of melancholy.
Let us know how the experiment turns out Miss Brill.
You know, I’ve been through this very same thing. It’s infuriating to actually not be mad but be accused of being mad. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy if you ask me.
you should just finish conversation
bye
We do this too - I ask Hubby why he’s angry (his voice seems so grouchy, I swear) and then he gets annoyed that I think he’s angry and.. . ..
Maybe this is actually a requirement of marriage that they’ve left out of the descriptions?
Yeah, let him be the one to stay awake wondering what you meant!
You missed our Blogger Babes lunch this month and we were concerned about you. Can you make it in February? Bring the kids and we’ll help take care of ‘em.
So how’d that go?
Did you ask him why he was angry that night? I’m curious to know what his reaction was. Was that your husband that commented above about assuming we’re angry. He seems to over think us women.
Sorry about your trip falling through.
It’s funny how after years of marriage and shared experience we can still read each other completely wrong, isn’t it?