Twas Brillig

So, just after my Gramma D died, she was sent an invitation to attend a “rock concert”, with VIP seating and backstage passes and even a fancy banquet afterwards to meet the artist. Apparently, my Gramma D (who was an ancient and hideously wealthy widow) contributed to one of the non-profit organizations that was sponsoring the concert, and this was their way of thanking her.

The concert? David Cassidy.

An important thing to remember is that my Gramma would have been 101 years old at the time of the concert. This is not one of my exaggerations, Gentle Readers. She literally would have been 101 years old. Can you picture her at a David Cassidy concert? Hahahahahahahahaha.

However, Gramma was dead. So, my brilliant and beautiful sister Laura took the tickets (three in all) and invited me and our other sister Jenny to go. Girls’ Night Out. Washed up 70’s Teen Idol. VIP seats. Banquet. The absolute perfect, perfect evening.

Now, my sisters are quite a bit older than me. Jenny by 10 years, Laura by 12. That means that they actually watched the Partridge Family back in the day, though even they only caught the tail end of David Mania. But Laura had had a David Cassidy lunch box in elementary school. I, however, kind of missed that ship by a decade or so, and I really didn’t know much about him…

So, we go to this concert and we settle into our VIP seats, still trying to picture Gramma D here, and after great delay the concert starts. And I do what normal people do at concerts—I jump up and dance and scream and so on. I was fully aware that I was the only person in the “expensive seats” doing this, and that I was being stared at. Ummmm… it’s a CONCERT, people! I was also painfully aware that I was the only person under the age of 35 (I was 25 at the time, I’m 29 now) in the audience all together, except for a few young children running about. I think David and I really connected—I was representative of the audience he wished he had. Alas, there was only one of me. I grabbed Laura and made her stand and dance with me (which she is prone to do anyway, though perhaps with less vehemence than I), but Jenny absolutely would NOT stand up. In fact, Jenny was really quite bugged by the whole thing. Oh, she snickered here and there, but mostly she rolled her eyes—at us, at him.

As the night went on, Dear David, as I affectionately call him, was also in a really bad mood, and kept telling us how sad he was and how hard it was to be there, etc. Um, kind of a big fat downer, really. We never quite understood his misery and sorrow (I remember him saying there was a death of a loved one, but my sisters don’t remember that—it’s possible I concocted it, and he never really said it) and I felt bad for people who had, you know, paid to be there. Here we were, ready to hear his happy, perky music, and he kept stopping the music to tell us how bummed he was. It was so, so weird.

I have to say, though, that Dear David had aged very nicely—he was still considerably attractive. And we were close enough to see the sweat roll down his face and drip onto his obscenely tight satin pants. Jenny was so weirded out by the tight pants and the hips beneath them that occasionally gyrated. I think all she wanted was to go home. But no! We had a banquet to attend!

So, we went to the banquet, where we were able to meet Dear David. It was awesome. Jenny and I are quite tall, at 5′9″, though our height is really the only thing we have in common. She is a scrawny red-head, and I’m a round dark-brunette. Laura, on the other hand, is this gorgeous, 6′2″ blonde beauty. When the three of us are together, you’d never know that we are sisters. Now, I don’t know how tall Dear David is, but I felt like I was about a foot taller than he. HAHAHAHA. He was sweet and threw his arms around me and gave me a big hug. Then he hugged Laura, who explained to him that we were all sisters and he had a hard time believing it, and it was decided that Laura was the freak of nature (being so darn tall and beautiful) and we’ve often laughed about that ever since. But then, he got to Jenny, and he not only hugged her, as he’d hugged me and Laura, but he kissed her. HAHAHAHA. Of all of us to choose to kiss, he picked her! She was really trying to hold it together, but as soon as we moved past him, she gripped my arm, digging her finger nails into my flesh, exclaiming that she thought she might puke. She was so, so, so bugged already and this was the icing on the cake.

Laura and I, of course, thought it was HILARIOUS. (Nowadays, Jenny thinks it’s pretty stinkin’ funny too.)

Anyway, I ran out and bought a David Cassidy CD right after this and I probably would have bought a lunch box if I’d been able to find one. Hahahaha. We kept going through Gramma’s mail, hoping to find more invitations to random concerts, but we’ve never scored anything so wonderful since this one. Hahaha. I think that all three of us (even Jenny!) look back at that night as one of the funnest and funniest of our career as sisters.

And I leave you all with this, because, after all, I think I love you.