Twas Brillig

So, I have a lot of hair.

I have a lot of black hair.

I have a lot of long, stringy, damaged black hair.

Every time I vacuum (you know, every decade or so) the vacuum gets clogged with my long black hair.

All of the drains in the house are clogged with my black hair.

The hair needs to go.

So, here’s me and my hair:

Anyway, see how my hair just hangs there? Limp? Lifeless? Style-less? You see where I’m going with this, right? For the sake of my sanity (and perhaps my marriage—I can’t tell you how NOT fond of clogged drains and vacuums my hubby is) I need you to style my hair. Cut it. Remove it from hence. Tell me WHAT to do with it. Here are the things you need to remember:

1. It has to be EASY. You KNOW that my days are crazy and spending time on my hair is not really an option most of the time.

2. I can’t go somewhere expensive to get this done. We’re talking my bathroom sink with my scrapbooking scissors (Ha! Like I scrapbook! But I DO have some fun scissors) and when that goes badly, a quick trip to SuperCuts or somewhere equally glamorous to even it up.

3. I have a fat face. It’s fat. All of me is fat. My face is no exception. Some haircuts do not exactly flatter a fat face. I need a fat-face-flattering look.

4. Help!