Oct 03 2007
From Behind the Stir-Ups!
The big day has arrived! Our Gyno-Fest is brought to you by me and the lovely and illustrious Amy from The Butrfly Garden.
Truth is, I don’t have a lot of OB/GYN stories. There’s a very good reason for this.
See, I’ve never met an OB/GYN who I trusted enough to even allow him to touch my big TOE, let alone my… uh… yeah.
And, through extensive research and soul-searching, I decided that midwives were the way I wanted to go.
But midwives are limited in what they are and aren’t allowed to do in Utah. While some of these laws have changed and midwives now have more power, back when I was pregnant with Scooby, midwives were not allowed to prescribe medication.
And I? Well, I had a UTI and I needed an antibiotic.
So, I went in to a local women’s clinic to pee in a cup and get my meds and get out of there. I had Fluffy and Bubba with me and it didn’t really occur to me that I would have to TALK to anyone.
But, see, a doctor decided to snoop through my file, saw that I was homebirthing, and decided to come in and lecture me about it.
“I guess you don’t really care about yourself or your baby.”
I said nothing. I was already oh-so-fond of this approach—that my decision to have my baby at home with extremely well-renowned and well-trained midwives meant that I didn’t love my baby as much as some random stranger loved my baby. And I probably didn’t ever research such a major decision or anything. Or pray about it. Or follow my gut, swollen as it was.
He went on, “you know, sometimes the midwives make mistakes. And then I have to clean up those mistakes.”
I smiled and nodded, politely, but not pleasantly. I wanted to lecture him right back—tell him his C-section rate was way too high, tell him that routine episiotomies were archaic and inhuman, tell him that his bedside manner made him one of the very last people on this planet that I would want to share the sacred moment of my baby’s birth with.
But I didn’t. I wasn’t in the mood to fight. I was pregnant, irritable, chasing my kids, and in the agony of a UTI. And I could see my Rx in his hands, and if I just held out for another few minutes, it would be mine. And then:
“Thousands of mothers and babies die in our hospital because a midwife makes a mistake!!!”
That was it.
“Sir,” I said very calmly and politely, “if thousands of women and babies were dying in your hospital, those statistics would be recorded and your hospital would be ranked as one of the lowest in the country—and those records would be available to the public. The truth, sir, is that not one single mother or baby in the entire state of Utah has died because of the involvement of a midwife. You know this is the truth as much as I do. And you only wish that your own statistics were as good as my midwife’s. May I have my prescription now?”
Flabbergasted, he handed me my Rx and stammered, “Well… uh… what I meant was that if it weren’t for my intervention, they would die.” By now I was walking out, shepherding my children in front of me. But he wasn’t done with me. He followed me all the way out to the waiting room, which was packed full of pregnant women waiting to see this licensed professional.
When he could see that I wasn’t going to stop and chit-chat anymore, he screamed out at me, across the crowded waiting room, with venom and sarcasm and hatred, “Oh yeah?!!! Well, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR BABY DON’T DIE!!!!!”
SERIOUSLY? He seriously went there? He seriously said that to a pregnant woman? He seriously threatened me? He seriously thought that approach might make me rethink my foolishness and sign up as his patient instead of my amazing midwife’s patient?
Yes. Seriously.
Every jaw in the room dropped, except mine. I marched right out his door, never to enter again. And I couldn’t believe that the women in his waiting room didn’t jump up and march out behind me. Sadly, they probably didn’t think they had any other option. There they waited, lining up to pay thousands of dollars to have their cervixes checked by this classy doc.
And that, Gentle Readers, is my one and only personal story about an OB/GYN.
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And now, let the party begin!!!! Do you have an awful OB/GYN story too? Of COURSE you do! Post about it, link back to me and to Butrfly, and add your permalink to my Mr. Linky (and if you haven’t already, head on over to Butrfly’s and put your post in her Mr. Linky too)! And then, make the rounds! Visit the listed posts! Check back here often to see posts that were added since your last visit! Read! Comment! Let’s help everyone to have a good experience through their terrible stories. Yeah….
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I’ve had my share of crappy doctor stories, but none about OBs (thank the heavens I’ve pretty much been able to avoid them up to now — that’s four OB-free births thank you very much.) For prescription and vagina-related stuff I am lucky enough to have a naturopath who is in the hospital system and can do that stuff. She so rocks.
What an ass that guy was! You know, though, I can’t help but think that it was about insecurity. He was threatening you because *he* felt threatened. By planning a homebirth you were implying that there was something lacking about his approach to things. Which of course there is. But, you know, that’s a hard pill to swallow when you’re used to thinking of yourself as godlike.
WOW.
Stuff like this is why I wanted to have my baby in Syria.
You go, girl! I’m serious — Go Brilly! Go Brilly!
Three of my beautiful four children were born at home, here in Utah, with a midwife. The fourth would have been at home as well, but I wasn’t in labor when my water broke and wouldn’t go into labor. Turns out the stinker was breech and we ended up with a c-section (which I wouldn’t wish on anyone) I never had a single, solitary complication with any of my home births and hurt like heck for a solid year after my c-section.
No bad gyne stories I can think of, just being strangely mortified at running into my OB at 7-11 one night when he was buying beer. Ick.
But a doctor treating you like that?? That’s horrible, I mean really. Nothing like a high and mighty doctor to make you never want to go back.
hi brill,
as usual, my stories are pretty pedestrian compared to yours…
that is terrible.
an annual is bad enough,
but to be treated rudely makes it even worse.
~chesca
holy frickin brackin! SHEESH!!!!! What a complete ID10T!
I must applaud your researching and praying about midwives and such . . . I WISH I’d done that before my son was born . . . had I an opportunity to do it again, I’d definitely do my homework first . . .
Seriously. Wow. You are saint-like for sitting there that long. I have myself quite a temper and when you put that with my pride and someone yelling at me…well, it doesn’t turn out well.
You rock, Brill.
And…my post is up. I thought 5am would be early enough, but dear brilly-poo posts like lightning. There is just no competing!
Aaaggghhh ! What a complete and utter donkey’s rear end that doctor was, and sadly he is not exactly unique. In fact mortality rates in US hospitals are nothing to write home about. Here in Holland, especially in the area I live and work, we have 50% home births and rising. Our mortality rates are a lot lower than those in the USA. C-section increase mortality rates and hospital births do NOT reduce mortality for low and medium risk births, they increase them. Why are c-section rates approaching 30% in the USA, have nearly a third of women suddenly developed an inability to birth babies? In Holland our rate is 7.4% and we consider that dreadfully high and want it down to 4% within five years. As to him saying he has to clean up after midwives I have to say that the worst messes are created by (male) doctors who are too quick to reach for tools and technology and then treat our genitals like something to wage war on. Here Midwives out rank doctors in matters of birth right up until a midwife invites a doctor to assist. Midwives can (and do) blacklist a doctor if our clients tells us they are not happy with them.
Pregnancy and birth is a natural state of being in womanhood, it is NOT a medical condition, it is NOT a way for big medical corporation to make money, and it should NOT be a revenue stream for vested interests like the AMA .
Fortunately you have some truly amazing midwives in the USA, and some really radical thinkers in the field of natural childbirth, don’t let your politicians and money grabbers bury them
Wow, that’s a good one, I can’t believe he yelled at you like that in front of an entire waiting room of women. I bet his version of the story is way different than yours. It’s scary that men like that would choose to be OB/GYNs.
Mine’ll be up soon.
Un-frickin-brackin-beLEEEEvable.
I had my babies at home, too. and Italy has one of the highest c-section rates in the world, most of them during business hours on weekdays.
People thought I was an unlawful, irresponsible, insane woman. Those births were the most powerful and beautiful experiences of my life.
You go girl!
Good heavens. How awful. My OBGYN asked if I wanted a midwife the last time I was pregnant, and said I could give birth however made me comfortable. Unfortunately, I know many OBGYNS who still look down on midwifery. Besides, it cuts into their profits, I imagine. I’m pregnant again, and our nurse practitioner is also a midwife and I love her to pieces. She is earthy and practical, and works closely with the OBGYNs in the practice to monitor high risk births. Wouldn’t it be lovely if they could all just work together?
Oh, and Brillig, thanks for posting this over at crea8buzz! I wouldn’t have known about it otherwise!
My Jaw. It’s on the floor. It can’t get up again…
DUde. I was going to post a story about how my ob with this last pregnancy didn’t give a flyin’ hoot when I came in 8.5 months along with bronchitis and a sinus infection…but that pales in comparison.
If I had been there, that fool would have tasted my steel.
That’s awful! I’m so sorry you had that experience. My experiences have all been pleasant….well, there was that one time when my doctor was giving me a pelvic exam and started singing. That was a bit odd.
omg I can’t imagine a doctor being such a total jerk!! I was blessed to find a family doctor that I love and has always been amazing…thank god. He was there for the birth of both of my babies and was supposed to deliver them until complications set it. I would have wanted to smack the doc that you talked about…lol.
wow…does that OB know the concept of emotional intelligence? what a moron.
WTF ? I so would have reported his non beside manner having butt to the highest governing board available.
That and probably gone back and kicked him in the shins.
Anyhoo, my post is up too…I finally actually followed through on a plan. Yay me!
You all made me think, I’ve been pretty lucky! The doctor I ended up with simply because I happened to go into labor on his day on call was wonderful! So wonderful he became our regular doctor. Here’s to hoping he’s also on call next time…
Better late than never!!!!
Major jerk there Brillig.
All of my OB-GYN stories are terrific. Really. I was lucky to have an “older” man who treated his role in the birth of my sons as a privilege and a woman who was my age and just too cool for words (she ran the Boston Marathon a few weeks before my daughter was born).
I don’t think your experience is a reflection of all OB-GYNs. Just that particular asshole.
I wrote about an OB/GYN experience, but it’s not a horror story.
I guess I should be glad I didn’t have one to write about, right? Thought it would have been fun to write about something more interesting than what I did :).
çok güzel bir site.
I guess I missed this on cre8buzz, but I’m glad I saw it on Jen’s site. What a fun idea.
And what a flaming jerk that doctor was to you. I think you handled yourself beautifully. Shame on him.
Crap!! I’m late!!!
Anyhow, I can’t believe that doctor was such a putz to you!
Hi! Nice to meet you yesterday. I had planned a homebirth with the last baby that I miscarried. I wrote on my blog recently about Assumptions, and mentioned the origin of stirrups in modern medicine. It’s pretty gross.
I have not a lot of faith in the MD community right now, period. OBGYN or otherwise.
I wish I could say I was shocked at your story - but not really. Appalled, however? You betcha.
As for the home birth thing…I’m a fence sitter. I had complications with both of my babies…Deadly preeclampsia and then premature water breaking followed by no natural contrax whatsoever. In both of those, a midwife would have had to turn over to the hospital for intervention - so I wouldn’t have gotten anything there. However, neither of those issues would have been a midwife’s fault - so the doctors really couldn’t claim what yours did either.
Brillig - I admire your restraint. Really - how did you last that long? What complete and total ass! Please email me his name offline, I’m going to make sure no one I know EVER goes to him. EVER!
Be sure and drop by my blog. I posted on our get together yesterday. I also tried to send you an email when I realized all our communication has been through blogland and cre8buzz.
Anyway == rockin’ story. Really, I feel the need to go kick someone’s butt. Anyone want to point me in a direction?
First thing, let me apologize for not sharing a Gynie story. I had one all ready in my head and then . . . well then life hit me in the butt.
Second, I remember this story from when it happened and it’s freaking RETARDED that ANY doctor would treat ANYONE that way, no matter what their own personal opinion is on the situation. I come from a family of amazing medical professionals and I can tell you that my Grandfather, who was the Medical Director of a HUGE hospital, would have fired that guy on the spot if he had worked for him.
This was such a fun, interesting thing! I am glad you and Butrfly did this!!
There are just two words I can think of sweet brill.
‘Arse’ and ‘hole’.
Mine’s up. It’s short and sweet.
Can’t wait to read the others.
I don’t have a story, but I just wanted to say that I cannot believe that he followed you all the way into the waiting room to yell that. He could of least thought of something more intelligent to yell. That was the equivalent of, “Oh yeah?” Pathetic really. All those years of school, and all that he could come up with was an, “Oh yeah.” He should be ashamed, really.
Oh, my word! I can’t believe he did that. I guess he felt like a heel after. Good for you walking out. I had a midwife for both my daughters births and I don’t regret it at all. I had one of them at home. It was awesome.
What an ass! I can’t believe he actually followed you out to the waiting room. That is horrible!
Finally got my post up… I think it can almost compare. But not quite.
What a story!
Um, go cre8buzz! Rah rah and stuff!
After four kids I’ve had my share . . . the first time I went in for a pelvic the OB/GYN was horrible HORRIBLE DO YOU HEAR ME? After the exam he goes out to my fiance in the waiting room and tells him that it’s okay to marry me because I’m still “clean”. If you can believe that.
He ended up losing his license and I cheered.
But I also had a doctor that saved my life that I’ll love forever, so I guess it evens out.
Holy crap I would’ve run, or, er, waddled out of that waiting room as fast as my kankles would’ve carried me!!
I admire your ability to state what you did, and leave ever so calmly.
Why can’t people just respect other people’s choices?
Wow–there are some amazing horses-asses in the world, aren’t there? I LOVE midwives, love em, love em, love em. when I was forced to go to an OB with my 4th baby (we’d moved and there were no midwives under my insurance) he nearly killed me and my baby came 2 months early–that wasn’t necessarily his fault but I’ll always wonder.
I had baby #2 in the bathtub–awesome!
My first exam for when i got pregnant she says ” ok you arent afraid to let a penis enter you but you are scared of a speculum…… ? Out the door I went!
We finally had midwives in Warren when my son was born, so I opted to see them (at the same clinic) rather than the doctors. I saw them for every appointment, and one of them delivered my son. I did have a hospital birth, but I didn’t see a doctor ever, it was great! My husband said he was glad I had a midwife as she made the experience calm and relaxing for him.
I wanted to add that with my daughter, the OB-GYN’s weren’t very good at all, so I am one of the women who didn’t like her OB-GYN.
My best friend’s first OB-GYN almost killed her daughter. I bet if she hadn’t switched a week before her daughter was born she might not have made it. Gracelyn was born at 24weeks. The first OB-GYN never bothered to find out what my friend’s cramps were about, couldn’t tell her the proper dosage for Tylenol, or any alternative method, and treated every concern and question she had as if she was being paranoid and overreacting, but she wasn’t. She really did have problems. Thank God Gracie is alive and well today (16 months old now)!