Sep 06 2007
To Fuzzles
A little over a year ago, I was hugely pregnant…
(It’s a birth story, Gentle Readers, as is my tradition.)
One year ago, I was in the hospital, hooked up to IV’s and a pitocin drip and all sorts of fetal monitors. This may sound like a normal birth story to you, but it was extreme for me.
I’m a homebirther. My oldest three children were all born at home, under water. I’m not a hippy. I wear make-up and I shave my legs and I wear sassy high heels. I also believe that every woman is entitled to give birth where she feels the most comfortable. For you, that may be in a hospital with monitors and such a strong epidural that someone has to tell you to push, because you can’t feel it yourself. For me, it’s at home, in a warm, deep birthing tub, completely in tune with my body–mastering it, and surrounded by my outstanding midwife and my loved ones.
But towards the beginning of this pregnancy, something in my gut felt unsettled about homebirth. I was never really sure why–just sure that this time it wasn’t for me. So I looked for someone who could give me a similarly natural experience, but from a hospital bed. I found a wonderful group of Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM) who worked out of a little local hospital where each room had a jacuzzi for labor and other natural birth-friendly amenities. They knew of my commitment to going naturally and they were there to support me in that.
But as I was sitting in the Akron, OH airport on my way home from my Grandma’s funeral, I looked down at my feet and noticed that they were gigantic. My normally loose-fitting flip-flops were digging into my flesh. My ankles looked like those of an elephant.
Well, pregnant women get swollen, right? I tried to pass it off as just being due to the stress of the last few days, plus all the airplane riding. Still, this was alarming in its swollenness. I was wearing glasses, and I realized that they felt particularly uncomfortable–pinching my nose. I finally excused myself and looked in a mirror–and was greeted by the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.
When I got home from my trip, I stopped by the grocery store to take my blood pressure on one of their fancy machines. My results were astronomical.
I was sick.
I was put on bed-rest and spent lots of time under observation in the hospital. (By the way, “bed-rest” is a joke when you have three tiny children at home and no one to help you take care of them. Just so we’re all clear on that…) No one had actually diagnosed me with anything because, even though I was alarmingly swollen and had tremendously high blood pressure, my lab results kept coming back fine. So… bed-rest.
One day, things were particularly bad. I was seeing stars, my head was throbbing, and I felt faint. It was Bubba and Fluffy’s first day of preschool, so I was going to drop them off and run to the hospital for some tests and then go back and pick them up. My sister-in-law was home from work that day and would help me by taking Scooby.
When I got to the hospital, the on-call doctor did a thorough examination and pronounced, once and for all, that I did indeed have pre-eclampsia. I was only 37 weeks along, which is still considered “full term” but for someone like me, who normally delivers between 42 and 43 weeks, it was very early. They would have to induce me. Immediately. After many frantic phonecalls, Brian was on his way, and his sister would pick up the other kids and keep them all at her house overnight.
When my CNM arrived, I just looked at her and said, “so, basically, I take this beautiful birth plan that I wrote out, about wanting to be able to walk around and find positions comfortable for me and labor in the water, and I shred it and throw it in the garbage.”
“Yep. Pretty much.”
I was still determined not to have any pain medication, even though I would have pitocin flowing through my veins–a drug that forces hard and painful contractions–more hard and more painful than the already almost unbearable pain of regular labor. But I still wanted to be able to work with my body, not ignore it.
I confess that I was scared to death. I would be forced to sit almost completely still, strapped to all sorts of beeping monitors, with IV’s of antibiotics (I was also beta strep positive) and an IV of pitocin. I had no idea how to labor under those conditions.
As it turned out, my body was NOT ready to go into labor. It took 13 hours of the strongest available dose of pitocin being pumped into me before I was even considered “in labor.” 13 hours of that hideous bed and those wicked monitors. 13 hours of watching Brian sleep comfortably (and snore loudly) in his own hospital bed.
When I did finally go into labor, I was all alone. Brian was fast asleep, the nurses had forgotten I existed, and I was in hardcore pitocin labor. I became my own doula, reminding myself to drop my jaw, unclench my fists, work with the contraction. This went on for three hours. Somewhere in here, my sister Laura showed up and I told her that if I hadn’t made significant progress, I was going to give up. I wasn’t yet at my breaking point, but I was about to be. I would need some help with the pain if this labor was going to go on much longer. She assured me that that was okay–that I wasn’t a failure. So I called in the CNM and told her what was going on. She decided to check me before we really talked about my pain options.
“This baby will be here in less than an hour.”
Suddenly, people were breaking down my bed and I was allowed to stand up! Ahhhhh! Such a relief! I walked around, I swayed, I squatted. I was in my element. And I. could. do this.
By the time I sat down again, I was ready to push, with Laura holding one leg and Brian holding the other. Four minutes later, my beloved baby was born.
It’s as though a piece of my soul was finally found that day. This little baby is the joy of my life. I don’t know how I ever survived without him.
That’s not to say he’s been an easy baby–oh no!!! From jaundice to RSV to not being able to breastfeed, he has been an extremely difficult baby. Perhaps it’s the pain and the sacrifices and the tears I’ve shed that make him so very special to me.
I can’t believe a whole year has gone by. How is that possible?
Happy, Happy Birthday, Dear Fuzzles. I love you more than I could ever possibly express.
(And here are a couple of pics that make me laugh…)
Even though it wasn’t as planned, what a precious angel! Happy Birthday Fuzzles!
(I had pre-eclampsia too, I don’t know if you knew that. Didn’t you also get the lovely magnesium sulfate drip, the same meds they use to stop pre-term labor? Ugh! I gained 30 lbs of water in the last three weeks of pregancy, I was just looking at pictures the other day I really looked like the Sta-Puft.)
He’s gorgeous. I think you have some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. I love it when his nose is crinkled. I’m so impressed you doula’d yourself. Impressive. My third son was breech and he was my c-section birth. My oldest was sunny ide and horrific back labor, my middle son (the picture from yesterday) was my barely 3 hours of labor, not even really painfull compared to back labor. Get to the hospital and I’m at 7. WOOHOO. Party time. By the time I got the hospital gown on I was ready to push. They all(2 nurses and hubby) said not yet. (I said screw you in my head) I pushed once, my water broke, a tiny push as the doctor shows up, he clamps the cord around the kid’s neck and next push voila! I got him on my chest right away. The only baby I got to do with that. I looked at hubby and said when can we have another. Boy that adreniline rush is strong stuff!
Happy Birthday Fuzzles!!!!xoxoxoxoxo
Ahh sweetie that was an amazing story.
Both my girls were induced at 42+ so I don’t know any different pain wise, but it does seem to suddenly come on hard and fast.
Fuzzles is absolutely gorgeous and so lucky to have a yummy mummy like you and his gorgeous siblings.
Hope you all have a fabulous day with your little man.
x
He is gorgeous.
What a ride.
Glad it all worked out in the end…
What a wee darling.
Pitocin is terrible, it really is. I had it with my first as my labor stalled and they had to help it get going again. I felt like a complete wimp not being able to handle the pain and asking for the epidural. With my second, I did not have pitocin and those contractions were a whole lot more manageable.
Happy Birthday to Fuzzles!
I loved reading that story Brillig. I had one of my babies at home and the other was induced with pitocin. I didn’t want any pain meds either, and I definitely remember the difference in the pain. That kind of pain is hard to describe to someone who’s never been through it.
But what a prize at the end…
Thanks for the memories.
jennifer
Such a sweet story! Though I must confess, I don’t think I could ever do home labor because I am such a wimp. I will need an epidural fo sho.
First off, what adorable pictures! He is just inexpressibly cute.
Second, what a warrior mama you are! First to be able to listen to your intuition and do what felt right to you even though you didn’t want it, second to be in a scary situation and do what you never thought you could do! Amazing!
I have a little guy who is 8 mos old and this post just makes me all teary. He’ll be a year before I know it and I’m not quite sure I can handle that.
sweet sweet fuzzles.
talk about a dramatic entrance.
you are one tough chick Brillig.
I know it, I sense it.
(Did I ever tell you that I on the other hand, am a big baby?)
Happy birthday Fuzzles!
Such a nice story
Your kids are all breathtakingly beautiful!
He’s so adorable! What an amazing birth story, thanks for sharing it with us. You’d think I’d eventually get tired of hearing about all of the many different ways other women have brought their children into the world, but no.
happy birthday cute little baby!!
If there was one piece of advice I could offer any pregnant mom, it would be “It’s nice to have a plan - but you’re most likely not going to be able to use it.”
Obviously not by choice, I had pitocin and then the epidural. I still FELT what was going on down there, but it didn’t hurt like it would have. I could still feel where she was, though, and when I needed to push.
Although, If I ever have the chance again, there would be no pitocin and no epidural. Spinal Headache = more worse than labor. Especially because I HATE needles and both doctors were very mean to me about it - (Spinal headaches are ‘cured’ by basically redoing the procedure only using blood they’ve drawn to ‘patch the leak’ - ANOTHER needle!). So, yeah.
Happy Birthday little Fuzzles.
“More worse” - that was just bad editing, not stupidity.
How I love that baby, even though I’ve spent the least amount of time with him!
Happy birthday buddy!!
He is such a handsome little guy!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
This made me cry, because my 4th baby also just turned one a few weeks ago. He was my second homebirth, but I’ve had one of those awful pitocin labors too. I can relate on so many levels. Thanks for sharing…we have more in common!
I admire you for your home births. I admire you for no pain killer on pitocin.
So far I’ve been induced four times. And I’ve had painkiller four times. I think if I were ever not to have to be induced, I’d try for no painkiller, but my babies don’t seem to want to come by themselves.
He’s darling. I love the photos.
Oh, Brillig. What a story! I am so fascinated with your homebirths and your hospital adventure- if we met in person we could talk for hours about birth! I love you birth attitude, and how you made the best of it in the hospital, and how you were still able to do it drug free. You rock!
And your boy! What a doll. I am always a little choked up on my kids’ birthdays. Marin’s birthday, later this month, makes me feel like I can’t breathe. Oh, stay my sweet baby a bit longer, please!
Happy Birthday, Fuzzles!
Fuzzles is a star! Happy Birthday!
And Pitocin is wicked stuff. Bad sense memory….
Brillig this was a lovely tribute. Happy B’day to Fuzzles! And I went through something similar with C. It’s not the easiest. Good for you for being brave and sticking to being true to yourself.
Happy Birthday dear Fuzzles! He is beautiful! My last baby was born in the water with a midwife…..why didn’t I find out how great it was 3 cherubs ago?!
What an adorable boy! Maybe I think so because he looks sorta like mine. Happy Birthday to him!
I visited your blog because I liked the name. A poem I’ve had memorized since childhood! I’ll be back to visit you - nice writing!
Awwww…. now I’m a big crying mess at work. That was a beautiful… if horrific… story. He is adorable. So are you.
Happy Birthday, Fuzzles.
What a sweet boy! Happy Birthday Fuzzles!
The scrunchy faced picture is my favourite. I feel oh so special for having met him in person! He’s such a darling one.
What a great story and a very happy ending indeed. What we go through for our kiddos, God love’em! You were indeed a brave and strong Mommy! Proud of ya gal!
I had the preeclamptic birth for my first one. Uuuugggghhh…I was such an unprepared birther, and a wimpy one at that. Pitocin did me in - and epidural saved my day. My son, on the other hand, had an amniotic sac that broke at 36 weeks and no contrax what.so.ever for the 12 hours immediately after the water broke, so YIPP-EE-FREAKING-DEE, I got to do another HARD LABORED Pitocin birth. I held out thru the pain this time for 19 hours - and got an epi for what turned out to be the last hour (I went from 4-10 cm in 50 minutes and only pushed 4 pushes).
Fuzzles is absolutely gorgeous! And happy first birthday to him.
It upsets and angers me a bit (oh -not with you of course) when I read that you had your babies at 42 - 43 weeks. It makes me wonder why on earth my obstetrician INSISTED that I was induced with my first baby at 10 days past the due date. The induction didn’t work - my body simply wasn’t ready - and it ended in a c-section.
Next time I was pregnant with twins and far too freaked out to attempt a VBAC. (vaginal birth after caesarean) Anather C-section.
With my fourth I wanted to try a vbac - I even rang a midwife to discuss homebirth. She was very much “you must take responsibility. This is your birth, Your EXperience, YOUR body” etc etc - but she seemed to think the fact that my baby could die to be par for the course (which was NOT okay with me) I never once thought that my personal experience of labour should come before my baby’s health ……and I think I wanted some kind of guarantee that I could try to birth naturally without risking my baby….(which of course no one could give me after 2 caesareans…and all so close together)
Anyway - sorry about the long rant - (I should, perhaps, post about this on my own blog one day) But I have often wished that my first labour was handled a little differently (and that I’d been a little more informed and a little less impatient to meet my baby!)
Fuzzles is lovely and you’re a warrior mama for sure!
Aw. That is such a darling story! Well, actually, it was kinda horrifying! My God! Why do we continue to have women who get pregnant after reading that sort of thing?
Hey, I have to say something. I have no idea if you even read these things any more, but I’ll give it a shot. I guess this will indeed be one way to find out.
I am not sure if you mean to do this. I mean, after all, it’s just your side of the story. But you make Brian look like such a lame ass husband sometimes. I mean you are driving kids to drop them off to school on the way to the doctor to be seen for some pretty serious things. Sometimes you are taking the kids to a retirement party and trying to get them up stairs without a working elevator. You are in labor and he’s asleep. (I can only imagine this means he is impossible to awaken?)
You do point out that Brian is supportive on the phone and a lovely little man who puts up with all sorts of the troubles that having a wife and a passel of kids entails. And you ALWAYS speak very highly of him. But it does seem he’s just kind of a decoration or a piece of furniture? Actually, kind of like Ricky Ricardo who comes in with, “Lucy! I’m home!” Makes me wish he had a blog so I could read if his view is the same as yours! What it must be like to read about the Life of Brian!
————
Well, I am sorry if that’s how I come across. Truth he’s, he’s super-dad and super-hubby. In this case, he was working for a new company and therefore had limited vacation time and we both decided together that his time off would be better spent AFTER I had the baby, since I knew I’d need help with the recovery and those long difficult nights with a newborn and then days with three needy toddlers. So it was a mutual decision. The bit about him being snoring was so humorous because he’s such a super-hubby, that it was so strange to be all by myself, so to speak. Thanks for pointing this out, Teri. I certainly don’t want to paint him in a bad light.
RSV? He had RSV? I lived in absolute FEAR of RSV. The boys were required to get monthly $1000 shots for their first winter to protect them from RSV. YOU HAD A KID WITH RSV?!?
Oh sweetie, I just want to hug you.
What a tremendous birth story. I’m not quite ready to put my to paper - as it were - but kind beats almost giving birth by a tree on the way to the hospital.
Aha! Well I suspected as much. I just wanted to let you know that over here, where I’m sitting, that little bit of info is missing.
Ah my fellow do-it-yourself-er. Although I don’t mind being in the hospital, I like the no pain med thing. Except this time around, thinking I was a pro and didn’t need to practice my hypno-birthing, I didn’t. And soon discovered while my insides were being torn apart, that perhaps I should have. And my wonderfully supportive, amazingly wonderful husband flicked through the channels on the tv while he held my hand and I tried to work through the abdomen-ripping discomfort, and I’m sure that he didn’t know what to do and perhaps would have done something different had I been screaming and yelling. I finally gave in to the epidural when I started hallucinating and almost passed out, while the doctors teased me about getting my first epidural on my THIRD child, and my wonderful husband said, “Wow hun! I wish you could see this needle!” …and less than 10 minutes later, his beautiful daughter was born while we laughed and I ordered him around the delivery room so all the right pictures were taken. Good times…
Fuzzles looks like he’s going to be a major charmer when he grows up! Which will be in about another month at this rate.
And I’m glad you restored your hubby to the pantheon of good guys. I know this is your blog but he should get some good exposure, too.
I gave in to the epidural on the third child. I was not even REMOTELY a believer in home birth, natural birth… actually, not much of a believer in birth at all! But with the first baby, I had toxemia, so no drugs. Not to mention, the pitocin with him and he was NOT ready to be born, even at two weeks late. Second baby, doc never showed up, so no drugs again. Third baby, I chose to go the painless route! Amazingly wonderful way to have a baby! But my lower back has never been the same. I even went through a bout of being bedridden for two months when baby #3 was 3 years old. I didn’t even know if I would ever walk again.
I wouldn’t recommend it.
Aww . . . what an awesome (if painful!) story. Amazing how they’re worth all that and more.
awwwwww what a sweetie he is. Hope he had a wonderful bday. The time flies by so fast eh? Enjoy it while it lasts…I try to remind myself that my teenagers were that cute one..lmaooooooooo. They still are beautiful but man oh man the attitude eclipses it sometimes..lmao.
So sweet! What a cutie! I had a tremendously long and intense labor as well, but I didn’t have to deal with the pitocin… don’t know if I could have survived that.
My adorababy is only 5 months old and I love taking pictures of him! I can only hope he stays that way until he’s this big and bigger!
I’m behind in my reading, but I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Dear Fuzzles!
Definitely worth the effort, huh?
He is precious and Happy Belated Birthday to him.
Happy Birthday, Fuzzles. He’s adorable. But you knew that already.
(I love your birth stories!)
I’m not even a doctor and I knew once you started describing your symptoms that you had pre-eclampsia. I can’t believe they let you go home!
Happy belated birthday Fuzzles!
hehe, like our litle pirat!
vicodin withdrawal
news
We live in the same state, we both blog, and we are both homebirthers. How is it that I don’t know you? (I don’t, do I?) The Internet is such a small world.