Jul 22 2007
Philharmonic Chicken Stockings
Soap Opera Sunday!!!
A couple months back, Stacy of Jurgen Nation issued me a challenge to tell, among other things, about a boyfriend, using the following words/phrases: “philharmonic,” “frozen chicken breasts,” “vomit,” “Electric Youth perfume,” and “fishnet stockings.”
And, of course, I immediately thought of a special someone and our special story. And here it is, in all its glory. It’s kinda cheating, but I’m so behind on all my blog-reads that I gotta buy myself some time. Plus, the story had never been told as a Soap Opera Sunday, and it SO belongs here. 
His name was Todd. He was incredibly hot. We were both going to school in Southern Utah, but we both came from up north. I wanted to go home for a weekend, and he had a car (I didn’t) and was already heading north, so our roommates set it up. That’s really how we got to know each other in the first place. Anyway, we started hanging out, and he was fun, though he had about the brain capacity of frozen chicken breasts. But, see, he was hot…. One day we just sorta made it “official” that I was his girlfriend–but he hadn’t even kissed me yet. Weird. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how that happened–I mean, while I’m not the kind of girl who went traipsing around in leather mini-skirts and fishnet stockings, I still generally at least made out with a guy a few times before signing up to be his girlfriend. But that same night, after I’d somewhat committed myself to him, he finally kissed me. And for me, in that moment, it was over. Somehow I’d imagined that kissing him would be amazing, blissful, philharmonic. But no. It was the worst kiss ever. EVER!!! I realized that I would rather drink a gallon of Electric Youth perfume than have him or his lips ever come near me again. Even so, I stuck it out for a whole two weeks and finally dumped him. He was actually really cool about it–it was the best dump-session I’d ever had! My roommates and TWO guys I’d lined up for after the “break up” (oh my gosh, that’s so embarrassing) were standing outside my door trying to listen in as I was dumping him. Hahaha. All they heard was laughter and friendship, cuz that’s really how the whole thing ended. I never did tell him, though, that the main reason we needed to break up was that his kisses made me want to vomit into the empty cavity of his skull where his brain should have been.
And that’s it today, Gentle Readers. Short and not at all sweet!
I”m first!!!!!!!
a bad kisser never a husband will make
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Yay for first!
That is great, I had never heard of Soap Opera Sunday. I must say, it takes talent to set up a story using such different words. I have never tried something like that before and not being a writer, I don’t think I could do it. And this to give yourself time to read posts. Good job.
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Yeah, Soap Opera Sunday is my own little creation–but it’s about to go global… GLOBAL I say!
Very funny!
As per your comment on my last post, I’ll forgive you eventually for having no interest in Harry Potter and not having a clue what I’m talking about. In the meantime, lets have dinner!
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Well, as long as you think you can forgive me eventually, I’m all for it! (I’m so excited to meet you and Kimberly this week!!!)
“brain capacity of frozen chicken breasts”
And yes, it’s SO good to be alive and blogging again!
<p>Oh, this made me laugh — glad to see you back up again!</p>
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<strong><em>Glad you liked it!
Yep, that’s a deal breaker. You’re so funny, even when you are forced to recycle!
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Haha. Thanks!
Fantastic job on the story!!! Electric Youth perfume!?! Debbie Gibson…a blast from the past…I absolutely LOVED her and have a cassette (!!!) my daughter listens to!
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Oh DangerDoll, I think I love you…
Now THAT’S my kind of story. My little sister practically bathed in Electric Youth Perfume. To this day, just the thought of it makes me gag a little.
Good work on the “frozen chicken breasts”.
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You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually smelled Electric Youth Perfume–or, you know, if I did, I didn’t know it. But your description helps me to see that I probably ought to avoid it…
That was fantastic.
So funny.
I love weird challenges like that.
LOL
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Yah, all credit goes to Stacy for the weird challenge. Glad you liked it!
Your creativity amazes me. This was is funny. How many of these stories do you have anyway?
I wore a leather miniskirt and fishnets once upon a time. They didn’t really get me anywhere though.
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Oh my gosh, Polli. You really did not strike me as the leather miniskirt and fishnet type! HAHAHA. Wow. Do your teenagers know about this?
very funny!! What on earth is electric youth perfume??
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Apparently it’s something to be avoided. You should be very grateful that it didn’t make it big in Australia!
killer story!!!!!
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Interesting name… Lucky for you, there’s no captcha here to kill.
I know you’re way behind and all, but I tagged you today for a really fun meme. I hope you’ll play when you have time!
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Wow! That has got to be the brainiest meme I’ve ever seen! Not sure when my brain will be up to the challenge!
I love Soap Opera Sunday, and I marvel at how many stories you have! If I tried this, it wouldn’t last all that long. My dating years weren’t nearly as colorful. And yes, a lack of philharmonic kisses would definitely be a deal breaker.
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Oh, hon. I’m only scratching the surface still. Sadly, I think I have enough Soap Operas to fill every Sunday for the rest of my blog-life. I was, shall we say… a touch melodramatic.
1. glad you are up and running.
2. the pigtails in the “flashback” photos were cute.
plus, i bet your neck stays fresh even when it is hot.
3. great story. creative and informative.
4. thank you for today’s post that reminds us to appreciate our loved ones and to remember that life is too short.
5.have a great week.
Isn’t it interesting how looking back can give us a small moment of embarrassment? (I am talking about the two guys you had lined up). I got a certain satisfaction out of going on a Saturday afternoon date, having my date drop me off at home and watch me hop into the car of my next date and drive away. It didn’t happen often, but hey, its not like we were dating exclusively!
That’s probably the best story I’ve heard all week. Okay, it was the only story I’ve heard all week.
That’s cute how you worked all those phrases in. But would anyone doubt you could?
Very good. Though what was the problem with his kissing - was it like snogging a frozen chicken breast, too?
No bad kissers!
That was fantastic! Great story, and great use of the word “philharmonic.” Not many people realize that it’s also an adjective and not just a noun. I’m impressed!!!
(And clearly a geek.)
Totally agree on the bad kisser thing. There is nothing worse than being out with a hot guy and then you get that kiss. Ugh.
I think I remember this one!
I am as impressed with it now as I was then.
I remember this challenge, too…that was a while ago! It’s okay, I totally get it.
Great story!
OMG I loveddddd this story. I always love your Soap Opera Sundays..lol. This one really made me giggle because the first time the gnome kissed me, it wasn’t very good at all. Luckily I gave him a second chance and he got better with practise. Now I LOVEEEE his kisses all the time..lmao.
very funny! yeah… bad kissing is a flat out immediate deal breaker.
i’ve often wondered though how it is that one person’s bad kisser can be another person’s great kisser…i mean, that must be the case, since people i’ve dated have ended up with other people. or do some people just settle for bad kissing? or, as canadianflake mentions, some people do learn VERY quickly : )
How did I miss this one? Where was I last weekend?
Oh, it matters not. I can now weigh in with my hefty HAHAHAHHAHAHA!
That was just blissful Brillig. They have to kiss good or they just have to go. A girl has standards after all.
Oh, now I remember. I was in Germany at a wedding, with the worst dance music ever played at an event.
But the food was good….
and the company, divine.
Brilliant post! Loved it! I’m so glad Anno brought it to my attention. Great blog!