Jul 02 2007
Not Very Lucky and Not At All Charming
The scene: My littlest two boys are in bed for midday naps. Fuzzles, the ten month old, is secure in his crib while Scooby, the two year old, is in his room, which doesn’t have a lock, but the door is very tricky and in three weeks here he hasn’t yet been able to open it. The other two kids (Bubba, 4, and Princess Fluffy, 5) are outside playing on the park with some friends.
And I, well, I need a break. I see this moment of solitude as the perfect time to fill a hot bath and indulge for a few minutes–recharge the ol’ batteries, doncha know. A rare pleasure indeed.
And so, I immerse myself into the delicious water and close my eyes. Ahhhhh. After a minute, I hear some strange noises. I open my eyes to find Scooby (who not only got out of his bedroom but also apparently climbed up the pantry shelf) lording an open box of Lucky Charms over my bathtub. Before I scream, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” he turns the box over and the bathtub is suddenly full of Lucky Charms.
(Scooby and his Charms)
“Oh my gosh, how am I going to clean this up?” I say out loud. Scooby has an idea. He begins scooping the cereal out of the water and ravenously eats it. “Ewww! Ick! No, no!” I squeal.
I busy myself with trying to get the cereal out and keeping Scooby from snarfing it all down when I hear yet more noises. I turn to see Princess Fluffy and all of the neighbor children STARING at me. Me. Naked. In the bathtub. With all of my bits exposed. And let’s not forget the Lucky Charms floaties. (And now I’m just certain that their parents are going to sue me for the therapy that will now be necessary.) At this point I begin shrieking, “GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!! GET OUT!!!!” And eventually, they catch on, and leave. Clever little things.
That’ll show me for trying to take a break. Mommy never EVER gets a break. I should know that by now….
…………….ETA:
On an incredibly bright note today–Believer in Balance awarded me a Perfect Post Award for my “Chad” Soap Opera Sunday series. What a huge honor! Thanks so much!!!!!
<p>Oh.<br />
My.<br />
Gosh.</p>
<p>What the? Either you have the worst luck, or your dear precious children have My-mommy-is-trying-to-relax alarms…</p>
<p>YIKES!!</p>
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<strong><em>Yes, I think it must be alarms. I never considered that, but I’m SURE you’re right!
<p>Not your lucky day, was it?
LOL @ “all my bits exposed” !!!!! Have you met up with any of the neighborhood parents yet?</p>
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<strong><em>Haven’t run into them yet. In fact, I think I’ve now officially turned into a hermit…
<p>Sorry - laughing my head off here!! I would have DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>It’ll be old news in the neighbourhood, in a few weeks ;)</p>
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<strong><em>Very likely. But how to survive the interim? Hahaha
<p>OH NO. I am SO SORRY. I’m dying laughing over here but I feel SO bad for you!!!</p>
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<strong><em>Ah well. It’s just a day in the life, ya know? Laughing is the ONLY way to survive.
<p>mmm lucky charms. Oh wait, no Ewwwwwww.<br />
Soggy dirty bathwater lucky charms. ha!</p>
<p>—————<br />
<strong><em>Now, see, if you were my two-year-old, the bath water would make it that much more interesting!</p>
<p>Oh honey, I am not laughing at you I am laughing with you!! Eating Lucky Charms out of the tub or Cheerios out of the toilet-either one makes for some fun blogging!! All of the parents can bill you for the therapy. :O</p>
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<strong><em>That’ll be one hefty bill, won’t it!
<p>You had me at Lucky Charms… But then the “naked bits”? That was the frosting on the post!</p>
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<strong><em>Haha. Thanks, Shauna. I think this post needed a little frosting, so that works out well.
<p>Baaaahaaaaa! (Totally laughing *with* you.) Baaaahaaaaa!</p>
<p>This is so something that would happen to me. Only I would’ve fallen down too.</p>
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<strong><em>Yah, LM, I think that you would have fallen down too! Hahahaha. That’s why they give you the pink wristband. I love your “falling” stories. They’re some of the very best!
<p>HAHAHA. Classic. Just, classic. </p>
<p>I’d like to reassure you that they’ll forget, but they probably won’t. Especially if there were boys. </p>
<p>I’m so absolutely freaked out to shower when the kids are home I swear - the minute I step in, I *hear* things! I *hear* them fighting or crying, I *hear* things getting bumped around. And mind you, mine are at the age that WE were allowed to be home alone at. Even if The Man is home, I’m always yelling “WHAT WAS THAT!?” Admission: It’s usually nothing. I must be looney or something.</p>
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<strong><em>Paranoid, much? hahahaha. No, I’m exactly the same way. But since everyone was “accounted for” I stopped listening so intently to the noises…
<p>I never knew it was so much fun to be a lucky charm at your house.</p>
<p>———-<br />
<strong><em>HAHAHAHAHAHA. No, I think even the Lucky Charms are going to need Therapy after that…<br />
</strong></em></p>
<p>Oh….that’s just so wrong. ;)</p>
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<strong><em>Hey, you! It’s good to see you again!
<p>I would have paid unbelievably good money to see that. Charms, bits et all.</p>
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<strong><em>Hahaha. Maybe I should take my show on the road…
<p>Oh you SO handled that better than I would have. Lots of swear words would have ensued, followed by a spanking and a slammed door, I’m sure. Honestly, considering the things you go through with so many little ones I must stand and applaud the way you handle them! I have NO patience…and I only have one baby! Hahaha, you poor thing. Maybe try the bath tonight after the little ones have gone to bed - then you can hubby can enjoy some together time with suds and lucky charms…yum!</p>
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<strong><em>Truly, I never swear. But I do scream and yell a lot more than I wish I did! Thank you for the applause. And now, for my next performance…
<p>I can just see some of those neighbor kids’ therapy sessions in fifteen years. “Doctor, I can’t explain it; I keep having these horrible anxiety attacks every time I see a green clover or a blue diamond . . .” I’ll never see a box of Lucky Charms the same again!</p>
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<strong><em>HAHAHA. Oh dear. I’ve ruined Lucky Charms for everyone now!!
<p>If it makes you feel any better (…and it won’t, heh), my first night in our new house (in a new state and new neighborhood), I danced nekkid throughout the house without noticing there weren’t any blinds or curtains of any significance.</p>
<p>Anyway. Good show. I mean post. HEEEEEEEEEE!!</p>
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<strong><em>Well, I’m sure they were eager to welcome you to the neighborhood after that! Hahahaha. And, in truth, it did make me feel a LITTLE bit better, so thanks! haha
<p>Good post. I’ve come by because 2 of the blogs I read directed me here. Congratulations on your awards.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, and welcome!
hahahahahaha! Wow, Brillig, that one is UNIQUE! I have never had cereal dumped into my bathwater before. Nor have I flashed the neighborhood kids. No, wait, I HAVE done that part.
I was just giggling over this post and Andrew came running over to see. “Show me that boy” he said when he saw the photo of Scooby. When I told him what The Scoob had done with that box of Lucky Charms he said “Oops. Hahahahahahaha!”
So, yeah, not a lot of sympathy there. And I am afraid The Scoob may just have inspired the troublemaker in this house….
Funny Brillig. Really funny.
Holy moly.
There really are NO words.
Whoa.
Oh my gosh! What a mess!
I am with Annette…They will never be the same now.
You had me laughing so hard; this is the first time I’ve ever read a blog post aloud to Patrick. You’re hilarious. Poor thing.
Someday I’ll have to post about Daniel getting out the Nesquik, hiding under the dining room table, then eating it by the handful. Yikes–he probably had mainlined at least a cup of sugar before I found him.
That is hilarious! Maybe after they tell their Moms about the ‘incident’ the Moms will be thinking “Mmm, so that is how she keeps her skin looking so good.” You might have set off a new “beauty therapy”. Now Moms all over your neighborhood will be trying to scoop Lucky Charms out of their tubs.
I’m cracked up. I feel for you, and yet. . .What a funny experience you are going to be laughing your head at in a few years!
Lucky Charms Beauty Therapy . . .Any chance that is marketable?
Oh, no. Nothing’s worse than having all your bits exposed to the neighborhood children. Well, I guess floating in a tub of Lucky Charms while having your bits exposed to the neighborhood children is worse. Egad.
Congrats on the Perfect Post Award!
I love your kid stories. I don’t know how you keep it together sometimes.
Oh so funny Brillig! What a scene you must have been! I agree that you seem to handle those high stress situations beautifully! Thanks for the laugh!
On top of it all, your little darling looks positively charming sitting there with his empty box!
Is there a full moon or something…this sounds so similar to my morning!
What a hoot! Hey maybe Lucky Charms would have had a softening affect on your skin or something…who knows maybe they could have been the new bath bead. Maybe Scooby was on to something!
I can just hear the kids telling their parents…”I saw Bubba’s mommy naked”.
And if it makes you feel better… you may just be the most popular mom on the block once the kids hit puberty… Hahaha!
LMAO. Oh, that was all too real!
Oh my gosh.
You paint a horrible and brilliant picture.
I am aghast and giggling at the same time.
Wow, now you can be considered part of a balanced breakfast!
We only have one bathroom and I lock the door just to give me that few extra seconds of warning when the kids start picking the lock. Its just enough time to pull the shower curtain across the tub and hide.
OMG. Thought things like that only happened to me!
congratulations!!! well deserved honor. I am still laughing so hard I am holding my tummy. I realize it probably wasn’t so funny at the time, but what a blog post eh? Thank you for a good chuckle. Between you and darth I have had my quota today.
I was convinced it was going to end, ‘Then I woke up.’ It was only when it didn’t that the full, not-a-dream horror sank in. And well done on your perfect post.
OK, I read this 10 minutes ago, and I’m still laughing: the Lucky Charms, the naked bits, the neighbor’s children. Wow! What a story for your grandchildren…
giggle. guffaw. snort.
After all the wretched news, what a great read!!
hee hee - I can just picture it ! what made you think you take a moment off, Brillig?? Surely you know better by now?
oops - forgot the ‘could’ - please insert between you and take.
It could have been worse. In our house, we’re Chocolate Lucky Charms fans — you know, they are magically delicious!
Thanks for sharing this. Flat out hysterical.
Absolutly hilarious!!
Holy hannah! That’s all I can say!
(just found your blog tonight by the way and I’m really enjoying it)
I am here catching up on your posts. I have gotten behind this week and I am enjoying reading what I missed on your blog. I laughed my a** off so hard at this one, I just woke my hubby up and that is NOT easy to do.. wayyyyyyyy too funny. Thanks for the giggles.
I am so glad that my children are not the only ones on the planet to pull stuff like this! Sorry to laugh at your expense, but that was just about the funniest thing ever. So now… about that current writing slump of yours… Pass out the Lucky Charms and start taking notes : )
Just saw this post while surfing through your site (you’d linked back to this, so I knew it must be good) … hilarious! And, well, quite mortifying. Glad to see you’ve survived!