Twas Brillig

Sometimes it’s hard for me to narrow down a Perfect Post from a whole month’s worth of wonderful posts.

But this month, it was a piece of cake. While there were many great posts, one stood out as the absolute perfect post.

This post made me cry every single time I read and re-read it. (And folks, I’m NOT a crier. This was a huge exception for me.) I cried over the horror of the story, over the strength it takes to write such a thing (and to write it SO WELL), and most especially over the author herself–because, despite everything they told her that she was, she chose who she was really going to be. And she’s amazing.

So this months award goes to Emma Sometimes for this post. Here’s some blog-bling for you, ES.

Now, everyone else, PLEASE go read this one. It is well worth your time.

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Check out other winners of July’s Perfect Post Awards at Suburban Turmoil’s and MommaK’s sites!

All you need to do is become extremely ill, puke constantly, eat nothing, and spend the entire day in bed. Yup! Just like magic.

What I wanna know is, why couldn’t I have done this LAST weekend–you know, before I met all sorts of blog friends! Why couldn’t I have had my fabulous new figure THEN?

See, this past Wednesday, I had the enormous pleasure of meeting Kimberly, DeDee, and Amber for dinner. I’d never met any of these girls, but I’ve been reading Kimberly and DeDee’s blogs for some time now (and you better believe that I’m reading Amber’s now too!) Seriously, we had such a blast. These girls are absolutely delightful and it was so fun to meet them “in person.” We stayed in the restaurant for FOUR HOURS. Yeah… After dinner we went to Walmart, of course, and divided up into teams and went shopping for gifts for each other–spending a dollar each. Yes, you can imagine the beautiful treasures we ended up with. The gift they gave me was a little patch that said, “I know right from wrong, I just prefer wrong.” They said that it suited me so well. Hahaha. Somehow, prudy little Brillig gave off the impression of “bad girl.” Hilarious.

The next day, I met up with Kimberly and DeDee at Temple Square in Salt Lake City (with kids in tow) where we eventually ran into K and Tirzah, both of whom I would have loved to get to know a little better, but in the chaos all I really got to know is that they’re cool and I’ll be reading their blogs now too.

Then, that night, I met up with a different group of bloggers–but these are girls that I’ve known for, oh, twelve years or so. In fact, they’re the ladies who got me into blogging in the first place. And they are probably the most gorgeous and intimidating group of women you’ll ever meet. They are Kate, Jewels, Hannah, and Sheila (who prefers not to be linked to). These girls are hilarious and delightful and when the conversation turned to sex tapes, p0rn, buying girly mags for your spouse, and a few other snippets that I can’t even bring myself to list, it was clear that I was not just the ugly fatso, but also DEFINITELY the prude of this group–as opposed to the other bloggy group who considered me the bad girl! (Kinda funny, since in high school and college I was certainly the bad girl of this group. Crazy what a little mission and a temple marriage and a hubby who’s at least as big of a prude as I am will do to you!) So, the group of us went to dinner at Los Hermanos in Provo and then we went to see Hairspray. Oh. Mygosh. LOVED HAIRSPRAY!!!!! I told the girls that I kinda wish that I were 15 so that I could put a picture of that boy up in my locker.

Wait a minute. I’m not 15, and I don’t have a locker, but I do have a blog… and YouTube.

Hi-frickin-larious, right? Anyway, after the movie we went back to Kate’s and chatted into the wee hours of the morning. It was so good to see everyone.

Still, though, couldn’t I have gotten sick BEFORE this? Shown off my fabulous new figure? Alas, no.

As for me, I’m still sick, but getting better. I mean, this morning I ate three cheeries (dry, from a kiddie snack container) and I haven’t puked them up yet! Woohoo! And they completely filled me up. Hahaha. Now that’s what I call a balanced meal! I love to think that by the end of this bout of ickiness I’ll be scrawny and gorgeous–even if it comes at a hefty price.

I’ve just done something reckless and terrifying.

I zeroed out my Google Reader.

There were approximately 300 posts waiting to be read. This is NOT an exaggeration. I subscribe to over a hundred blogs, and each one had posted an average of three times since I last went through it. You can blame the pile-up on my Great Blog Crash Disaster of last week and then being gone for much of this week.

I tried to catch up. Really I did. I made GREAT EFFORTS. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

FORTUNATELY, almost every single post was about either Harry Potter or BlogHer. So, basically, they were all disposable.

(Yup, that may be the most controversial thing I’ve ever said on my blog. It’s not that I don’t wish I were at BlogHer, it’s just that I probably won’t go until they ask me to be a keynote speaker and they pay me thousands of dollars for it. So, you know, next year–around the time I take over the world with my blog. As for Harry Potter… yeah. This is where it gets controversial. I have not read and never intend to read a Harry Potter book. I will say no more. Well, there’s not really more to say. I just have ZERO INTEREST in it. I know. You’re going to stone me. Go ahead. I lived in Jerusalem–stoning is not unfamiliar to me.)

That said, though, I know that I have missed some true treasures and hopefully I’ll still see them as I make my future rounds through Bloglandia. Still, though, I’m feeling SO LIBERATED. Whew!

Nothing like biting off a few more blogs than I can chew, huh? I try to be such an over-achiever… and it really doesn’t ever work out for me!

It’s been ages since I told any Matt stories.  I was going to start in on Matt stories again, but then I realized tonight that many of you are new since the last time we talked about him.  And you really need to be introduced properly.  So, for a small handful of you, this is a re-introduction.  This will enable me to delve into more Matt stories in the future.  Here goes.

Once upon a time I was in college and my bestest friend was my dear Matt. Matt adored me. He thought I was so beautiful (he’s gay…) and he loved to dress me up and show me off. We had been friends almost our whole lives, minus a couple of awkward years in high school. But when college came, we couldn’t bear to be parted for more than a few hours at a time. Hahaha.

Matt also had some strange power over me. He would come up with these absolutely ridiculous plans and somehow I would always go along with them.

Which brings us to today’s Friday Flashback.

One night, in the middle of the night, Matt came to my dorm to get me. I was in my pajamas, and could I please change first? No. There was no time for that. Sigh. So I threw on some flip-flops and followed him out the door.

He had a very important mission for us, but he would explain it when we got there.

And, where was “there”? Our local grocery store. And the mission? To buy crackers and cheez whiz, sit down at the handy table right there in the grocery store, and invite strangers to come and join us for cheese and crackers and get their pictures taken with us.

Look at me. Don’t I look like a nice girl? NOT like the kind of girl that would be sitting in the grocery store in her pajamas, inviting strangers to come and eat cheez whiz with me? Do you see the pain etched on my face? The pain screaming out to you, begging you to find a way to make the crazy gay man let me go back to my dorm and go to bed?

But really. The craziest part about this whole thing is that people actually sat down to eat cheez whiz and get their pictures taken with us!!!!

Here’s to you, Matt, and all the crazy things you made me do.

(I’m currently trying to track him down so that he can throw in his 2-cents here.  “Hi, I posted some pictures of you on the internet…”  Wish me luck–he’s very elusive.  I guess that means I can tell MY side of the stories, huh?)

Hey, remember how I was trying to sell my house? It used to be the only thing I talked about around here. I haven’t said a word about it for a while because, well, there hadn’t been much to say–till now. Basically, we fired our realtor about a month ago and then sat on it, not sure what to do. Then, just this last week, we decided to list it with someone else.

Two days later, we got an offer. Now, we’ve gotten several offers by now. But this one was different. It wasn’t an “investor” but rather a family. A family who had fallen in love with it.

And offered our full. asking. price.

Of course, things can fall through. I’m trying to hold off on the victory dance until the check has been cashed. Trying…

The people buying it are a young couple with four young kids. They fell in love with it for all the reasons that we did back in the day. It’s perfect of them, they’re perfect for it. Yay!

Of course, there’s a lot of work to do now. Lots of decisions need to be made about what to do with all our crap. Still, I’m not complaining. No sirree. No complaining here. Brillig no speak-a complain-o. I’m just acknowledging that there’s stuff to do now.

And, um… I need to find a babysitter for my beautiful grand piano. There’s no way I can move it up here, but there’s no way I could allow it to go into some nasty damp storage unit either. Sigh. My piano. It’s almost like a child–except it doesn’t eat as often, nor does it pour Lucky Charms into my bathwater…

Again, not complaining. Just concerned about my one and only earthly treasure. Any ideas?

Okay, but. Back to my house. You know. My house. Soon to be someone else’s house. This blog was actually born almost exactly four months ago, almost exactly the day that we listed the house. Obviously, I’ve vented here a lot. I can’t believe how agonizing this road has been sometimes and how suddenly it seems to be resolved. Closing date is set for August 11. Cross your fingers (and toes and eyes and hairs and anything else cross-able) for us!

Hey! Guess what! Jackie awarded me with this:

Thank you, Jackie! That’s so incredibly nice!

As is the tradition with these things, I now pass it on. For me, this is a no-brainer. It goes to Jenn in Holland–I don’t know Jenn “in person,” but she has become a dear, eternal friend. She always leaves comments here, and she always replies to the comments I leave at her site. She’s even been known to drop me an email just to tell me that she’s thinking of me. I know! Could there be a cooler e-buddy? She’s the most thoughtful blogger I know. I love you, Jenn.

And, in other news, about ten million years ago, Worker Mommy tagged me for the 7 random facts meme thingy. Have y’all noticed that it takes me forever to get around to these things?

Anyway, I’m going to put my own little Brillig-spin on this one…

SEVEN RANDOM THINGS ABOUT CHURCH YESTERDAY!

1. Fuzzles was fussy and crying, so I took him out into the foyer so as to not disturb the Sunday School class that Hubby and I were attending. I set him down on the floor and let him crawl around. An older woman came up to me and said, “in my day, we were always within arm’s reach of our babies. We just don’t understand you modern moms.” This was all said in chastisement over my baby who was five feet away from me and constantly within my sight. Um….

2. Another older lady stopped me in the hallway to tell me how hideous my outfit was and that she can’t WAIT until that particular look goes out of style.

3. Another old lady (sheesh, was there something in the water???) stopped me to offer me some of her granddaughter’s clothing. She gave me two shirts. They were maternity shirts. First of all, is she really so concerned about my finances or fashion sense that she needed to bring me some of her granddaughter’s clothes? And secondly… I’m…um… not pregnant.

4. Our lesson in Relief Society was about repentance. There were three women, probably in their forties, sitting behind me who criticized and berated the lesson the whole time, speaking loudly enough to be heard by everyone. They were certain that they understood the concept of repentance better, and were therefore mocking everyone else’s comments. They were completely full of themselves and their expert knowledge. I was so embarrassed for them. Through their attitude and mockery, they were showing that while they may have memorized some scriptures, they’d actually missed the whole point. You know–love, kindness, humility, patience…

5. I was wearing shoes with heels so high I could barely walk. Okay, fine, this isn’t unusual. I do it all the time. I just love hobbling through the hallways in excrutiating pain…

6. The Primary lost Bubba. He was just gone when I went to pick him up. We eventually found him in the hallways.

7. For the first time since I was a teenager, I went to church with a hickey on my neck. Yup. Hubby is so proud of his handiwork. (I wore my hair down and you really couldn’t see it. I’m sure Hubby would have wanted me to show it off for all the church ladies–maybe get himself a few extra high-fives in Elder’s Quorum or whatever…)

By the time I got home from church, I was laughing so hard. (Fortunately, I’d made the decision a long time ago not to let the funny old church ladies, etc., get to me. You just gotta laugh it off.) I don’t know that I was exactly spiritually uplifted, but I was most definitely entertained!!!

Soap Opera Sunday!!!

A couple months back, Stacy of Jurgen Nation issued me a challenge to tell, among other things,  about a boyfriend, using the following words/phrases: “philharmonic,” “frozen chicken breasts,” “vomit,” “Electric Youth perfume,” and “fishnet stockings.”

And, of course, I immediately thought of a special someone and our special story.  And here it is, in all its glory.  It’s kinda cheating, but I’m so behind on all my blog-reads that I gotta buy myself some time.  Plus, the story had never been told as a Soap Opera Sunday, and it SO belongs here. 

His name was Todd. He was incredibly hot. We were both going to school in Southern Utah, but we both came from up north. I wanted to go home for a weekend, and he had a car (I didn’t) and was already heading north, so our roommates set it up. That’s really how we got to know each other in the first place. Anyway, we started hanging out, and he was fun, though he had about the brain capacity of frozen chicken breasts. But, see, he was hot…. One day we just sorta made it “official” that I was his girlfriend–but he hadn’t even kissed me yet. Weird. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how that happened–I mean, while I’m not the kind of girl who went traipsing around in leather mini-skirts and fishnet stockings, I still generally at least made out with a guy a few times before signing up to be his girlfriend. But that same night, after I’d somewhat committed myself to him, he finally kissed me. And for me, in that moment, it was over. Somehow I’d imagined that kissing him would be amazing, blissful, philharmonic. But no. It was the worst kiss ever. EVER!!! I realized that I would rather drink a gallon of Electric Youth perfume than have him or his lips ever come near me again. Even so, I stuck it out for a whole two weeks and finally dumped him. He was actually really cool about it–it was the best dump-session I’d ever had! My roommates and TWO guys I’d lined up for after the “break up” (oh my gosh, that’s so embarrassing) were standing outside my door trying to listen in as I was dumping him. Hahaha. All they heard was laughter and friendship, cuz that’s really how the whole thing ended. I never did tell him, though, that the main reason we needed to break up was that his kisses made me want to vomit into the empty cavity of his skull where his brain should have been.

And that’s it today, Gentle Readers.  Short and not at all sweet!

Yesterday morning, I heard sirens.  My kids were thrilled and we ran out the back door to see where they were coming from.  What little boy doesn’t love a firetruck or an ambulance?

We couldn’t find the source of the siren, so we came back inside and pretty much forgot about it, until a neighbor showed up a few hours later to say, “did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“Scott died last night.  In his sleep.  He went to bed and never woke up.”

He was 39 years old.  He leaves behind a beautiful wife from Korea (who doesn’t have any family here) and their 15 year old daughter. 

No one saw this coming.  They’re still trying to figure out what exactly happened.  It’s currently being blamed on a switch in medication, but that’s just speculation right now.

We’re all in a bit of a state of shock right now.  It makes me painfully aware of my own mortality, but more especially of my hubby’s mortality, which is more essential, more precious than my own at this point in my life.

Things are being arranged so quickly.  I’ve taken meals in to the widow–which feels very strange.  (”I’m sorry your husband died.  Here’s a casserole.”)  I’ll be setting up tables and chairs and providing food at the funeral.  It’s all very surreal.

This is not my loss.  I hardly knew the man.  I’d seen him around and I’d seen him at church and (for those of you who speak “Mormon”) he and Hubby were Home Teaching companions, though  it was a new enough assignment that they’d never actually gone together.  Still, there was a connection there, slight as it was.

It’s not my loss, but it’s someone’s loss.  How can she be coping?  And the fact that it happened in my own backyard makes me feel strange and insecure–like when you see a spider crawling on the floor, and for the rest of the night, you’re just certain that there’s a spider on you.

This is not my loss, but I feel a little bit of it too.  I’ll be holding my loved ones a little closer today.

…to last Tuesday.

Okay, so that’s cheating.  Still, they LOOK like old pictures, right?

We took these pictures at Lagoon in their Pioneer Village.

Fluffy was so excited to be dressed as a “princess.” We preferred that term to “bar floozy.” Hahaha. One day she’ll know the difference, but she doesn’t have to now. The important thing is that she wore a sparkly dress and a feather boa. Yeah. It doesn’t get any cooler than that. I’m the outlaw in the back (holding a GUN no less! Many of you know how astonishing that is…), and Bubba was thrilled to be a cowboy–so thrilled, in fact, that he couldn’t keep from smiling in the “serious” picture. But what a cute smile! And then in the middle, dressed as the other “princess” is my sister Laura, who is the best Lagoon-companion you could ever have. She’s fun and funny and loves my kids (and they love her back!!!) And isn’t she GORGEOUS!!!???

Anyway, as you can see, we had SUCH a great time!

Here are a few more highlights … cuz we all love pics, right?

 They had the option of riding separately, but chose to ride together. It just made my little mommy-heart melt!

 Bubba and Laura on the carousel

 Waiting in line…

 Whizzin’ past me on a roller coaster

Train ride!  (And yes, my hair is in pigtails.  That’s what makes me a “fun mom,” okay?)

Yay for Lagoon day!  We liked it so much that we’re going back next week!  (Good thing I sold a kidney on the black market so that I can afford all of this, right?)  Laura has to work (frickin’ brackin’ work…) so I’m taking my mother-in-law instead.  Hahaha.  That will be a very… different vibe, but doubtless lots of fun too!

Dear Blog,

While you were sleeping, so much happened. When you fell sick, amazing people jumped in to help rescue you. CableGirl and Shaz both offered support and advice. Then Luisa came along and volunteered her expert friend Radioactive Jam and though he’d never met you before he was willing to drop everything to be at your beck and call. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, Elizabeth arrived on the scene and through her expert analysis, she discovered that you had some troubles deep down inside and that major surgery would be required. Elizabeth was, before this, a total stranger, but as a true Good Samaritan, she spend hours bandaging your wounds and finding the source of your anguish. She knew that it was time to put you out, but only for a little while. It was at this point that you were left comatose, barely surviving, and not functioning at all.

While you were sleeping, other blogs kept working. They wrote wonderful things. You’re so behind on all those posts, I don’t know how you’ll ever catch up. You were tagged with awards and memes and I don’t know when you might get to them, but wasn’t it nice of people to think of you!!! However, there are three posts of which you must be made aware: Both Jenn in Holland and Soccer Mom In Denial awarded you with the Schmoozer award. They even had a tiff over which one would be able to award you, and then amicably decided that they both would! I know that you can hardly believe that anyone would make such a fuss over you, but they did! And then Momma’s World is holding a contest for some incredible Elizabeth Arden products which must be entered soon, because the first drawing is coming up on July 23! Anyone who wants to enter can, so you’d better hurry over there.

Sadly, dear Blog, you have lost your memory. We truly hope that this is a temporary situation. Your posts and your comments are currently being stored here. The doctors are working feverishly to help bring your memory back. (And, while I confess that I did post over there once or twice, please do not consider it cheating. I needed to post somewhere. I’m only human, right? But it meant nothing to me. I was thinking of you the whole time, I swear!)

In the meantime, dear Blog, please know how worried I was–how much I missed you, how I fretted over you. I’m so grateful to have you back. And while you’re not quite looking like your old self yet, please know that we’ll be working together over the next few days to make you as good as new. And don’t you ever frighten me like this again, dear Blog!! You have come to mean so much to me–not just as an “addiction” but as the source whereby I have come to know so many amazing people and have made lasting connections with new-found loved ones.

I love you, dear Blog.

Love,

Brillig