Jun 25 2007
This Hate Cycle
I came to you with an open mind–too open. Not being a part of this particular conflict, but just an impartial observer, I wanted to learn about both sides. I was learning BOTH languages. I was studying BOTH cultures. I knew that this was all bigger than me, but somehow I thought maybe one day I’d be able to help resolve it all.I was only 12 years old. So were you.
We weren’t friends, or anything. We’d never met before. It was your assignment to show me around your school. I think we both thought that we could be friends.
You walked me through the hallways and discussed what you did at school and what you learned. You were learning Algebra. Hey, me too! You were learning biology, literature. We had so much in common.
At some point, we came to a glass-enclosed display. All I saw was cloth, stained and torn. I looked to you for an explanation.
And then your eyes changed. You grew dark, angry. It frightened me.
“Three weeks ago, three innocent men were killed. They are martyrs. This is their clothing here–the clothing they were wearing when they were brutally shot. You see their blood on their shirts. You see the bullet holes. We keep this here to remind us of our enemies and their wickedness. It reminds us of their unprovoked brutality towards us. They must be conquered. We must prevail.”
My breath caught in my throat. I considered telling you that you were wrong. Your eyes challenged me to do so. Thank heavens I didn’t–I likely wouldn’t have made it out of the country alive.
But I had been downtown the day those men lost their lives. These men, whose clothing hung here in a shrine, were no heroes. They had mercilessly slaughtered nine truly innocent people–three of them children–before the police had finally arrived and stopped them with their bullets. These three men were not martyrs, they were murderers.
“But you’re just children!” I said, instead. I had been forced to see blood, bullets, bombs. But I didn’t think that all children should have to. Certainly not at school!
“How else will we learn?”
And there it was–the great unbridgeable difference: My schooling taught me history. Yours taught you lies.
I couldn’t blame you for believing the lies. It was all you had ever heard. I couldn’t blame your friends, your parents, your teachers. It was all they had ever heard.
And now I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe. I had to leave. Your hatred, though not yet aimed at me, was suffocating and I couldn’t be there anymore. This place, this evil place, where children were taught to hate, was imprisoning me and I had to escape. I wanted to beg you to escape with me, though I knew you never would. I wanted to rescue you from this conflict, but you were too deeply entrenched. So I left you there.
We knew we could never, ever be friends.
I never said that the other side was right, but you are so very wrong.
And now I’m 28, as are you, and I think of you from time to time. I’m married. I have children. We live a safe, comfortable life. And you? Did you survive your hatred, or has it killed you yet, as it has killed so many of your countrymen? Is your life full of terror? Do you have children? Do you teach them what you were taught? Of course you do. You don’t know anything else. If you live long enough to raise another generation, that generation will be consumed with the same hate.
Someone has to break this cycle. I no longer think that it will be me. I can’t. I don’t understand. I feel helpless and hopeless. The more I learn, the less I know.
But I make an oath, here and now, that my children will never learn any form of hatred from me. And if that’s the best I can do, it will be a lot.
<p>I loved this when I first read it; I love it still. Remarkable.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, Luisa. You certainly weren’t reading me way back then, but I realize that you did stumble on it and commented there. Thanks!
<p>I remember this one. Ha! I must have been one of the three readers you had so early. Lucky me.<br />
I loved it then, and I love it again now, and I am glad that you pulled it forward so I could once again mull it over.<br />
You lead such an interesting life Brillig.</p>
<p>As to your clarification post, I think you came off clean and unoffensive in that first. Perhaps it’s because we share a background that I understand exactly where you are coming from and just what you mean. And just what you feel when you rant.<br />
I think you can rest assured that the big chunk of who you are shines through whether you declare those things or not. I get that. I think everyone who reads you gets that. It’s that which keeps us all coming back for more, and keeps your readership growing. No worries Brillig, it was clear what you are trying to say. But thanks for saying more anyway, because I get a little charge when I open my reader and see that there are new items for Twas Brillig. That’s all it takes to make my day! Hahahaha!</p>
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<strong><em>Hey, Jenn. I turned the comments OFF on that post. Don’t you see that that means you’re not allowed to talk about it? Hahaha. Kidding. (I turned them off because I didn’t want people to think that they HAD to comment, or that they HAD to appease me or agree with me or disagree or whatever. Thanks for you wonderful words. Because the writing is just letters on a screen, and people can’t hear my tone of voice or see my facial expression, I guess I just never know how I’m actually coming across. Thanks for being so incredibly sweet to me.
<p>Loved this. Beautifully written. And can’t even imagine who would have been offended - especially as have no idea which bit you meant. You’re always thought-provoking and often very funny. Keep going. Be yourself - all of it.</p>
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<strong><em>Thank you, Omega Mum. The “offensive” stuff was about the earlier post where I ripped on the BYU gestapo. That’s all. And I don’t think I offended anyone, I was just wanting to clarify my meaning.
<p>Holy cow that must have been intense. I cannot imagine. Good for you for saying nothing, it could have been bad. I just stumbled upon your site via Moosh, so I hadn’t read this - do you mind giving a little more background to the story? Like why you were there in the first place? Quite interesting. When I was 12 I was buying Maddona lace gloves at the mall. Not so interesting ;)</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks for stopping in, Jen! I’ve written about Jerusalem in other places, but to sum up I was there with my brother and our parents while my Mom was working there (she’s an ancient history/ancient scripture professor–she was there with BYU). The study abroad program that was supposed to happen was cancelled because of the Gulf War and so we just lived there for a while while she worked on research. I learned so much during that time–it really shaped my whole life.
<p>Nice post.<br />
You have had such unique experiences that have given you such a good perspective.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, WM :-)</p>
<p>Hmmmm….very interesting perspective, I don’t think people over here truly understand the hate over in that country, if they understood it, they might not be so adamently opposed to the war.</p>
I haven’t yet seen a situation where bombs and troops put an end to hate. But that’s another post for another day, I suppose!
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<strong><em>Sadly, I think there’s hate everywhere. I just became a lot more familiar with it while I was in Jerusalem, but this post could have been written about Ireland, Yugoslavia, Sudan, and millions of other places. And apparently it will surprise you, but I’m adamantly opposed to the war.
<p>I read this post when I delved into your archives a few weeks back. One of your best, I think. Touching, evocative, and inspiring. Was glad to read it again. =) Good luck getting caught up…I’m in the same boat today.</p>
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<strong><em>At this moment, I’m down to only 67 posts in my reader! I might just get caught up! Especially if everyone just stops writing for a second. Just STOP, everyone, okay? Just till I get caught up? hahaha. Kidding, of course. I live for the blog-rounds.
<p>You are a fabulous writer, as I’ve said before. </p>
<p>I love LOVE LOVE your new diggs. Good for you for being so brave…I have yet to take the plunge…</p>
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<strong><em>Brave or crazy, not sure which! Either way, I’m having a lot of fun with it. And thanks.
<p>this is very powerful. do you know what i find terrifying? while i have a good idea where this is geographically because of your history, it could be over ten places right off the top of my head , right now,and that brings tears to my cheeks.</p>
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<strong><em>Exactly, Lady M. That’s why I left the location out of the post. It applies to many many places. Horrifying, isn’t it?
<p>love the new site! very well done.</p>
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<strong><em> Thanks!</p>
<p>Wow what a post. All I kept saying was OMG OMG. You are such an amazing writer and everytime I read your blog, I just wanna say moreee, nooooo don’t gooo . I would just love to read your stories for hours. You TOTALLY have me hooked on your Chad soap opera so please don’t ever stop…lol.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, CF! I’m totally putting you in charge of PR around here. hahaha
<p>I am new to your blog. I came by way of ButrflyGarden just recently. I was taken by surprise while I read your post. There are many places you could have been when this happened. My mother grew up in Ireland and her family left do to the violence and moved to Scotland. She has raised all of us with hope and peace in mind. She came to the US with my Dad a few years before I was born. She was of little help with when it came to our homework, US History. She hated the way it was written in the text books. She was taught differently having spent most of her school years in Scotland where they were taught a completly different story about the Revolutionary War. She never told us what she was taught, kept it to herself, but my goodness the eye rolling and sighs she gave while helping us with our homework. </p>
<p>Back to what I was saying about it could have been several countries you were in at the time you were twelve. This subject actually came up with my 8 year old daughter last night. She heard some noises that woke her up. She came down to the family room where I was watching Army Wives. There was a stand off in the hospital in this episode. I tried to only tell her a little bit of what was going on after I could not coax her back upstairs. I explained how fortunate we are to live in the US. There are many countries such as Iraq, Phillipines and other countries where there are tanks in the streets and daily gunfire. That people are afraid but not so much since they have become accustom to such a presence. They have aclimated to their life style. To most of us it seems obsurd. I am very greatful we live here and hope we are never forced to aclimate to such a degree. </p>
<p>Your post was very well written and appreciated. It really makes you think. I like reading things that make me think and remember.</p>
<p>By the way, I am usually very long in my comments. Feel free to give me a limit of lines :-)</p>
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<strong><em>Never a comment limit here! I’m interested in every single word you have to say. This comment was excellent. I’m glad you’re here and I hope that you’ll be around a lot!
<p>Wow. There’s not much more to say. </p>
<p>(About the BYU Gestapo–I actually thought it was quite funny!)</p>
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<strong><em>Humor was my intention with that, so thanks! hahaha.
<p>Great post. I’ve lived in at least one place where that sort of hatred was rampant and it makes me feel overwhelming sadness. Terror too, but sadness even more so. To think that conflicts like this never end because each generation is taught hatred.</p>
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<strong><em>You’re right. It’s both sad and scary, and very overwhelming as it is so deeply engrained.
<p>You are a writer in every sense Brillig. I’m glad you reposted this. I haven’t had time to properly go through your archives yet. Very powerful and moving piece.</p>
<p>You get high marks form me for courage for posting all that you do. I must keep my soap-opera’s under wraps.</p>
<p>I appreciated your post on your faith. I do understand. I rarely, if ever talk about that facet of my life because of how it can be taken as being preachy.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, Polly. Again, I’m not sure if “courage” is the word, or if a better word is “stupid.” haha. oh well, right? it’s out there now!</p>
<p>This is…amazing. Beauitful. Stunning.<br />
Thank you.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, Catherine. That means a lot coming from you!
<p>Brillig,</p>
<p>Where was this?</p>
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<strong><em>It’s Jerusalem, Goldy. But I left that out on purpose, knowing that it applied to so many places.
<p>I’m hopping on board the comment train (as this happens quite frequently when I’m late commenting) and saying that I agree with the masses- this was a stunning and hearfelt piece of writing and fully confirms why I will come back and read your blog when I have about 4 hours worth of marking to do!
Thanks for sharing!</p>
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<strong><em>Haha, thanks Brandy.
<p>Powerful, Brillig. I will be thinking of this post and you today. Your experiences are all a part of you. Thank you for reposting it.</p>
<p>I have taught my children to hate. They have learned from me to hate evil.</p>
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<strong><em>Great point, Carla. That’s very responsible parenting, as long as they very clearly understand the difference between hating evil and hating PEOPLE who they consider evil. That’s where the line is crossed. But you’re right. There are THINGS that are absolutely hateworthy.
<p>you are a super fantastic powerful writer brillig!</p>
<p>and re the last post - I worry about offending people on my blog all the time, I even worry sometimes that I’ve offended people in my comments on THEIR blogs (I actually did offend someone once… and we are no longer blog friends…sob) so then I have to go back to their blog obsessively to make sure they are still my friend. </p>
<p>Sad. And I thought I’d grown up since high school….</p>
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<strong><em>I think everyone’s still got a bit of high school in them, don’t you? Hahaha. Again, I think It’s very possible to come across as offensive, because people can’t see your facial expression or hear your tone of voice, and can therefore misunderstand your intent. Sometimes we hit a nerve without realizing it!
<p>Nice new digs, Brill!</p>
<p>This post we every bit as powerful the second time around.</p>
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<strong><em>Thanks, GF. The first time I posted this you made the excellent comment that we are often taught lies in OUR schooling too, in our “safe places.” I thought it was such a good point. What I see as “history” is so often someone’s subjective version of history the way they wanted it remembered. There’s such a feeling of betrayal when you realize that you’ve been lied to, by the “good guys.” History should always be absolute truth but, alas, it isn’t always.
Hello dear Brillig- I also sometimes worry that I may offend someone at one time or another, but I’m happy to think that it won’t alter your writing at all, which I love to read. I’ve been thinking of you lately as I prepare to take my children to a new country… you went all over the place and just look how well you turned out!
hi brill-iant,
well written.
a good reminder to us parents, teachers…citizens of this planet.
Wow, I picked a good day to stop by. Great post.
I don’t remember how I first found your site, though I was drawn to it because I immediately recognized the Jabberwocky connection. You’ve made a very cool site! I’m new in the blog world, just using the basic, boring old blogger. But it’s fun! (to blog, not blogger).
Anyway, I really liked your Hate post. Very powerful. Also, your last post about your religion was brave, and hard to do. My bookclub just read a *gasp* Christian book (Plan B by Anne Lamott) and I’ve been working up a post about it, because it is soooo full of fabulous one-liners. I will post about it, but there’s a bit of hesitation, because I don’t want people to think, well, I’m not sure what. I’m not ashamed of my faith, not one bit, but I just don’t want people to have Ideas about me, based on my religious tendencies…
Anyway, fabulous writing! I’m sure I’ll be back!
This was a powerful post. How enlightening and terrifying to have your eyes opened like that at 12.
Wow. I felt your fear when I was reading that. It horrifies me that bloody clothes are in a display case in a school, not to mention the clothes are from murderers. You have such a diverse, interesting background. Please keep sharing!
This post is SO powerful, and SO brilliant. When I read it I was sure you were talking about South Africa, and then I read the comments and discovered it was Israel. Also realizing it could’ve been so many other places in this broken world of ours. Every single sentence and statement you made in this piece is spot on when you apply it to Apartheid in my country. Not many people would agree with my view that Apartheid hurt both the black AND white people in South Africa, and will continue to hurt us for years to come. It’s a terrible legacy - one that will take more than 2 generations to get things forward to an acceptable situation of “normal”. Sadly so, but racism will be with us till the end of time.
Powerful post. Frightening, even horrifying that you encountered this in a SCHOOL of all places. And I LOVE your determination to teach your children another way.