Jun 14 2007
Not My Mama’s Kitchen
My mother, who I love dearly, is crazy.
First, let me review. I have mentioned before that my mother is one of those exceptionally beautiful human beings. Every day, people come up to me and exclaim over her gorgeousness. At 65 years old, she still turns the heads of many–I have watched men flirt with her all my life, including men that you would never expect to see “flirting” due to age and station in life. My dad jokes that he looks more like her father than like her husband. hahaha. He’s not too far off, poor guy!
A large part of her beauty can be attributed to good luck and the laws of genetics. The rest should be attributed to daily yoga, meditation, and all the crazy crap she eats.
My mother is mostly vegan and won’t eat any salt or fat. And she has a bit of an obsession with the word “organic.” Anything processed, refined, altered, or “unnatural” is OUT.
Beauty is just a pleasant result of this craziness. She does it because she’s obsessed with health. But, as I have learned, even obsessions with health can be incredibly unhealthy.
Every once in a while, I’ve tried to eat the way she does. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not humanly possible. I mean, I’m all for “healthy” but she has taken this to outlandish extremes.
This week, I am the lucky inheritor of her kitchen. She removed much of her food, but left some stuff around “just in case” I might want it. She then instructed me to throw away anything that I think I won’t use.
Brace yourselves, Gentle Readers.
This is a fair sampling of things that I found in her cupboard (minus the long list of crazy herbal tea that had already found a new home in the garbage can before I decided to take this picture). Organic everything, of course. But it’s not just “organic”–it’s Organic Sauerkraut. Seriously???? Or the Organic Almond Butter, with the $29 price tag still on it. And I have no idea what Organic Sesame Tahini is, but I have a strange feeling that I wouldn’t like it very much… And the goat milk. Don’t even get me started on the goat milk. I encountered probably twenty cans of the stuff. Because apparently, if you MUST drink or cook with milk, it should ONLY be organic goat milk…
The fridge and freezer were filled with similar treasures, like organic whole grain wheatsprout bread, tofu of all varieties, and let us not forget the wide variety of home-sprouted grains.
You’ll be happy to know that I’m keeping some of this stuff! You’ll also be happy to know that I’m tossing most of it to make room for macaroni and cheese, rice-a-roni, Lucky Charms, and ice cream!!!!
My mother would have a heart attack if she saw how I’ve disgraced her kitchen. Sorry, Mama, but this ain’t your kitchen anymore…
Really, I love the idea of being beautiful like my mother, but NOT at that price!!!
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I’m so out of the blog loop now, I have to go back and do some reading so I can figure out how and why you’ve inherited your mother’s kitchen. See, I knew I’d feel like I was missing something!
Organic stuff can be good, if it’s really organic - therein lies the problem for me - I think because it’s a fashionable concept - too many products claim to be organic, that frankly aren’t really all that, you know?
I’ve got your organic goat milk here!
Several years ago, a stray (a what? a stray!) goat wandered onto my father in law’s ranch property in southern utah. She had apparently just had a kid since her udder (is it still an udder if it’s a goat?) was swollen and full. So with no kid around to feed, my FIL took it upon himself to relieve her of the pain of super swollen teats and milked her. And then when he brought the milk home, there was the necessity of learning quickly how to pasteurize it so it was “drinkable”. So, yeah, add that to the list of random things I know how to do: Pastuerize goats milk at home. On the stove top.
We drank a lot of goats milk in the following weeks. I wonder if that alone will extend the life of my looks?
Organic, schmorganic. Hooray for ice cream!!
Your mother IS beautiful and I WISH i had it in me to eat and exercise the way she does. However, I love cheese and chocolate too much to give up fat. Hahaha. So I’m with you. Bring on the lucky charms!
I have a sickeningly beautiful mother, too… but she still eats pop-tarts! Must mean there’s hope for me yet…
I - in my Greenest of Green spirits - still don’t buy organic.
(Organic Bunny Grahams, maybe - but that’s cuz they are nummy.)
I can’t even stop eating Nut Rolls and ice cream (!) to LOSE WEIGHT…I’d never have the willpower to live my life like that! Good for your mom for trying, though. (And good for you for trying the food! I can’t eat it, but I’ve heard almond butter is delish -and at $29, I would certainly hope so).
Sounds like you are making lots of progress in the house!
Maybe that’s what’s going wrong with my looks. I haven’t eaten enough organic sauerkraut! Does one put that on organic hot dogs? Although once you make a hot dog healthy, doesn’t that negate its existence as a hot dog?
I’m an organic eater. I do feel better but that doesn’t stop me from eating my ice cream and mac n cheese at times.
Sesame Tahini is made with sesame seeds and olive oil, like hummus that is made with chick peas(aka garbanzo beans) and olive oil. I’m a hummus freak it is SO good.
mmm sesame tahini is SO good! You must try it!! you know what’s funny- this stuff looks like what you’d find in most of my friends’ kitchens. Seattle is oh-so big on organic and weird ingredients. I try to fit in but like goldfish crackers, fruit snacks, and diet coke just a bit too much!
Every once in awhile I live life on the edge, and “experiment” with organic foods. I ate couscous for the first time the other day. Pleasant but blah. Mostly, I’m just too picky an eater to function like that. Kudos to those who do, seriously, but my palate can’t handle it.
MMMMMM. Nummy.
Seriously though, out with the organic goat’s milk and in with the Fruit Loops!
Annie,
I actually agree. I can be really good. But the OBSESSION with it is what i object to! hahaha
Jenn in Holland,
Okay, yeah. I knew I could trust you to come up with a TOTALLY random story. Hilarious!!!
Jessabean,
Amen, sister!
Kateastrophe,
Hahaha. yeah, I think she got ALL the willpower, and passed NONE of it on to me…
Jennifer,
From the various pictures I’ve seen of you, I suspect that you’ll be gorgeous forever. So enjoy your poptarts and think of the rest of us… Sigh.
Butrfly,
I know! $29!!! I will certainly try it and keep you posted. (And I remember your post about organic bunny grahams! hahahahaha)
Kara,
I’m sure that someone’s come up with a tofu hot dog. AND, I bet if anyone’s tried it, my mom has. We’ll have to ask her how that went. hahaha.
EmmaSometimes,
Aha! I too LOVE me some hummus (you can’t live in the middle east for as long as I did without developing a taste for it!) so I will gladly try the tahini. And as for you diet, it sounds like you’re an organic-eater CHEATER. And I can TOTALLY dig that. Hahaha.
Absolutely Bananas,
All right! Another favorable review of Tahini! I’ll get right on it, I promise. And you have the YOGA corner mastered, so you’re halfway there, right?
Kimberly,
Experiment? Like, with drugs? I swear, for my mom, it IS like a drug!
Lawyer Mama,
Hahaha. Exactly!!!
Sadly, my husband eats tofu dogs, marketed as Smart Dogs. But I refuse to acknowledge them as hot dogs because they contain no unknown bits of sinew and gristle. What the fun of a hot dog without the danger of food poisoning?
tahini good, almond butter= expensive peanut butter, icecream - best of all.
Brillig! Almond butter is awesome! My Costco sells it and I am totally hooked! My mom is uber-natural too, and loves tahini.
Good luck sifting through the craziness (just don’t throw out the almond butter!!!)
at $29.00–
I would save the money and put it toward botox…(heehee)
Organic sauerkraut? Doesn’t that negate her “I don’t eat salt” rule? I mean, sauerkraut.
And, yes they make tofu hot dogs. I like to call it NOT DOGS. Ugh.
If it works for your Mum then let her at it. I have to live with a child who makes “organic” (it’s pretty much a given here) cat food. M.C. Solaar eats better than most lions.
While I would love….LOVE…to one day be the hippest of the hippies, all organic and crazy close to nature, it’s just never going to happen. I am slowly getting most of the processed foods out of my life, but I just really can’t stand vegetables and having had tofu and goats milk…yeah, that about says it all. I admire your mother though. If she can eat that stuff with a straight face? Good for her!
Kara,
I know!!! No fun at all!!
Karen,
Excellently summed up. hahaha.
Sheila,
Okay. I’ll have some. I promise!!! Hahahaha
Exskindiver,
Yeah, she’s always trying to convince me that her way of eating is cheaper than my way of eating. Ummmmm… NOPE! Sorry, ma! I now have proof!
Shauna,
Good point about the salt! I wonder if maybe that’s why there was so freaking much of the stuff left over for me!
Lady M,
Hahaha. Lucky little MC Solaar. That’s so funny.
Viciousrumours,
Not only a straight face, but a pious “see why my life is so much better than yours” face! But I’m with you. Deep down, I’d like to be like that. I just simply don’t have the discipline.
For $29, the almond butter is going to have to be able to make out with me as well as be tasty on toast. Sheesh.
Tahini goes in hummus, among other things.
All I could think to make with goat milk is cheese. No way I’d be drinking it, though. Ick.
When I’m her age, I’ll probably look 129.
Jeez, what’s she want to die of… old age? That’s just too yucky.
Is there some reason why this gorgeous chicky of a momma (or, as my kids like to refer to me, “hoochie mama”) is not posted here along with your message??
I would never be able to do healthy food all of the time. Every once in awhile, I’ll try to be healthy, but I’m way too lazy to make it a long term commitment.
Beauty is lovely, but if it means I have to give up the kraft peanut butter filled with preservative goodness, I think I will pass. I may not turn as many heads, but I will be happy. And yes, i’ve just decided peanut butter is more important than beauty. My work here is done.
I think perhaps our mothers are psychic twins. If I went to my mother’s kitchen right now I could probably find every single one of the items in your picture. My mom was eating coconut oil on everything for a while, like butter on toast.
And yeah, don’t toss the tahini, it’ll keep forever and you never know when you might need to whip up a batch of hummus.
Um, you could have sent it to me. I eat all of that stuff (except the tofu).
The Goat Milk label alone definitely raises a serious eyebrow.
$29 bucks, just for the organic almond butter? My goodness. I get almond butter from winder and it is only $5. I would hate to see your mother’s grocery tab. :O
I do buy some organic but not much. It drives my DH nuts…he says he doesn’t see the point in it.
Oh my@ that almond butter!
tahini is really yum - the rest of it I’ve never seen or heard of.
I am far too lazy and hungry and greedy to be obsessive about healthy/organic food and yoga and all that stuff. But I have this picture in my head that when I’m older I’ll get right into it and be one of those really hip, earthy granny types that can do downward facing dog with my feet tucked up somewhere completely amazing.
But then I also have this fantasy that when I get old I can start smoking again - and drinking heavily and being wild and having fun - and being one of those really scary, tattooed, motor bike -riding (it would have to be a Harley) grannies….
I’m sure I’ll just end up being boring ‘ol me….
Being a newly diagnosed diabetic, I wish I could live more “organically” but the honest truth is I have 2 gremlins to feed and as bad as it is to say, up here is it DARN expensive to eat healthy. Heck we even had to start paying almost double for a loaf of bread just to eat brown bread. We are doing our best, as my gnome has high blood pressure….but is certainly isn’t easy.
Now that’s the word of wisdom. (sorta)
Tahini makes hummus, did somebody already say that? Tahini can be your friend.
Okay….we try to go organic for produce because of pesticides, but WOW your mom really goes all the way!
I’ve tried goats milk before…one of my childhood friends lived on a goat farm and that’s all they used. Let me tell ya, I DOESN’T taste good on Lucky Charms!
Were you raised on organic foods too? Or is it something she picked up after she was a empty nester? Living in California, there are a lot of people just like her everywhere around me.