Jun 14 2007
Not My Mama’s Kitchen
My mother, who I love dearly, is crazy.
First, let me review. I have mentioned before that my mother is one of those exceptionally beautiful human beings. Every day, people come up to me and exclaim over her gorgeousness. At 65 years old, she still turns the heads of many–I have watched men flirt with her all my life, including men that you would never expect to see “flirting” due to age and station in life. My dad jokes that he looks more like her father than like her husband. hahaha. He’s not too far off, poor guy!
A large part of her beauty can be attributed to good luck and the laws of genetics. The rest should be attributed to daily yoga, meditation, and all the crazy crap she eats.
My mother is mostly vegan and won’t eat any salt or fat. And she has a bit of an obsession with the word “organic.” Anything processed, refined, altered, or “unnatural” is OUT.
Beauty is just a pleasant result of this craziness. She does it because she’s obsessed with health. But, as I have learned, even obsessions with health can be incredibly unhealthy.
Every once in a while, I’ve tried to eat the way she does. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not humanly possible. I mean, I’m all for “healthy” but she has taken this to outlandish extremes.
This week, I am the lucky inheritor of her kitchen. She removed much of her food, but left some stuff around “just in case” I might want it. She then instructed me to throw away anything that I think I won’t use.
Brace yourselves, Gentle Readers.
This is a fair sampling of things that I found in her cupboard (minus the long list of crazy herbal tea that had already found a new home in the garbage can before I decided to take this picture). Organic everything, of course. But it’s not just “organic”–it’s Organic Sauerkraut. Seriously???? Or the Organic Almond Butter, with the $29 price tag still on it. And I have no idea what Organic Sesame Tahini is, but I have a strange feeling that I wouldn’t like it very much… And the goat milk. Don’t even get me started on the goat milk. I encountered probably twenty cans of the stuff. Because apparently, if you MUST drink or cook with milk, it should ONLY be organic goat milk…
The fridge and freezer were filled with similar treasures, like organic whole grain wheatsprout bread, tofu of all varieties, and let us not forget the wide variety of home-sprouted grains.
You’ll be happy to know that I’m keeping some of this stuff! You’ll also be happy to know that I’m tossing most of it to make room for macaroni and cheese, rice-a-roni, Lucky Charms, and ice cream!!!!
My mother would have a heart attack if she saw how I’ve disgraced her kitchen. Sorry, Mama, but this ain’t your kitchen anymore…
Really, I love the idea of being beautiful like my mother, but NOT at that price!!!
